While one can have people in their life who are there to support them, they can also spend time with people who try to fix them. As a result of this, it could be said that one will feel good in their presence or they will end up feeling bad.
Another way of looking at it would be to say that one’s life will be enhanced through having them in their life, or it will end up being undermined. However, regardless of what kind of people they have in their life, there is the chance that it is what is normal.
Part of Life
Therefore, if one does have supportive people around them, it could be seen as something that is just part of life. If they were to come across people who experience life differently, they could wonder why they put up with this kind of behaviour.
Or they could start to think about how lucky they are, and this can then show that they believe that an external force is having an effect on their life. Either way, they are going to believe that this is something that is out of their control.
The Other Side
But if one has people around them who are not supportive, it could be seen as something they have to tolerate. If they were to come across other people who have people around them who are different, they could believe it’s because they have something they don’t have.
Yet if this is not the case, they could come to the conclusion that they are simply unlucky, and it will then important for them to wait until their luck changes. One can then feel as though they have no control over their life.
Nevertheless, if one’s relationships are fulfilling, it won’t matter if they believe that’s it’s because they are lucky. This area of their life will be going as they want it to go and so they are not going to suffer.
On the other hand, if one’s relationships are not fulfilling and they believe that this area of their life if out of their control, then it is going to cause them up to suffer. What this also shows is how important it is for one to have the right people around them.
In Need Of Repair
So, when one spends time with people who undermine them, they can be used to feeling as though there is something wrong with them. This can be due to the fact that they can be seen as someone who is incapable.
They will believe that one can’t do things for themselves, and so they need other people do to do things for them. Now, this is not to say that one won’t have things that they are struggling with, or that a number of areas of their life are not going as they would like them to go.
What it comes down to is that they are not going to be seen as someone who has challenges like anyone else on this planet; they are going to be seen as someone who has something inherently wrong with them. Thus, it will be necessary for them to act like parent and to treat one as though they are a child.
When one makes a decision, they could end up being told that it is the wrong one, and they could even be used to being told how they should live their life. It then won’t matter whether they ask for advice, as they are going to get it anyway.
Through spending time with people like this, one could find that it is even harder for them to trust their own judgement. This can also be the case if they only have one person in their life who behaves in this way.
One could then find that even though someone is having a negative effect on their life, they are unable to walk away from them. They could see that they have become dependent on them, and they could then wonder how they would survive without them.
What this can then show is that one doesn’t value themselves, and this is why they put up with people who are like this. Perhaps their early years were a time when they were abused and/or neglected.
This would then have stopped them from developing a strong sense of self, and they would have ended up being boundaryless. Through being this way, part of them will feel comfortable being around people who treat them badly.
When it comes to the people who see them as someone who needs to be fixed, they can also feel worthless at a deeper level. However, while one is likely to be in touch with how they feel, this is unlikely to be the case for then.
There is the chance that they will have disconnected from how they feel, and this will then cause them to believe that they are above others. One way of looking at this would be to say that they will have created a false-self that allows them to come across as though they have it all together.
The people they are drawn to can then be a reflection of how they feel at a deeper level. But as they are not aware of what is taking place within them, it is not going to be possible for them to realise this.
Fixing others is then a way for them to fix the part of themselves that they have lost touch with. Yet as they are not willing of face what is taking place within them, it is not going to be possible for them to heal themselves.
If they were to get in touch with their true-self, they are likely to end up experiencing a lot of pain. And as they can feel good about themselves through attracting people who reflect how they feel at a deeper level, there is going to be no reason for them to change.
Their false-self stops them from being able to be themselves and this will cause them to suffer, however, they would experience even more pain if they were to face themselves. Even so, this pain won’t last forever and it would allow them to be an authentic human being.
If one is used to having people who undermine them or if they try to undermine others, it might be necessary for them who work with a therapist. During this time, they can start to get in touch with who they are and to feel comfortable enough to reveal their true-self to others.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.