If one was to look back on their life, they may find that they have had friends who have needed their help. This could mean that they have had to drive them to different places, give them a place to stay for a few nights and been there for them when they were not in a good place, amongst other things.
One way of looking at this would be to say that this is part of life, and something that most people have experienced. After all, human beings are interdependent, and it is not going to be possible for someone to always handle life by themselves.
The Other Side
With this in mind, one could also remember those moments when they have looked towards their friends to help them out. Whatever the reason was, one would have needed a friend to be there for them.
The times they have been there for others are then backed up by the times other people have been there for them. What this will show is that their friendships haven’t been one-sided, and that they have been based on give and take.
This is not to say that one has helped one person as much as they have helped them or vice versa, as it might not be this black and white. What it might come down to is that one has been there for others as much as they have been there for them.
One may have given more to one person than they gave to them, and there may have been someone who gave them more than they receive. It could be said that this is part of life, and that there are moments when there is no other way around it.
The Odd Occasion
When they think about the times when they have been there for their friends in this way, they may find that it has been spread out over a number of years. This is then not going to be something that takes place every week or even every month.
But if this is not the case, it could show that one of their friends was going through a bad patch and needed their support over a certain period of time. Alternatively, a few of their friends might have been in a similar position and this might then have caused them to focus a lot of their energy and attention on their needs.
If they were to put these experiences to one side, they may find that the other experiences they have had have been completely different. During these moments, one could find that they didn’t need their help in the same way and their friends didn’t need their help either.
Instead, one might have simply spent time with the other person, and they could have just enjoyed their company. They would have shared their life and the other person would have shared theirs.
Coming From the Right Place
And when this is what their friendships are like, it is likely to show that they feel comfortable with their own needs. One can then embrace them and this is what enables them to get their needs met by others.
This is then going to stop them from acting as though they don’t have needs, and there will be no reason for them to put their friend’s needs first. If this does take place, it could only happen if one of their friends is going through tough time.
It Makes Sense
Now, if one didn’t have needs and they were simply an extension of other people, there would be no reason for them to behave in this way. They could put their friend’s needs first and overlook their own.
But as one is in an individual and they have their own needs, there is only going to be the only way for them to behave. Through being this way, it will allow this area of their life to have a positive effect on them.
A Different Reality
Yet, although this could be seen as the ideal, there are going to be others who are used to having people around them who only take. Or, if there are moments when they give something back, this could be something that rarely takes place.
One could find that these people are always going through a challenging time, and this could stop them from being able to focus on their own life. These people could be more like their children than their friends.
Out of Balance
It could then be normal for them to wonder why they have these people in their life, and they might even think about cutting their ties with them. Nevertheless, this could be something that they feel comfortable with at a deeper level.
Therefore, no matter how these people treat them, they are unlikely to do anything about it. Their idea of a friend is going to be someone they have to rescue; it won’t have anything to do with someone who is going to add anything to their life.
On The Inside
What this is likely to show is that one doesn’t feel comfortable with their needs, and this is why they tolerate this kind of behaviour. One could believe that if they are there for these people, they will be there for them
Rescuing others is then an indirect way for them to get their needs met. But as the people they are drawn are not going to be able to read their mind and they could also be self-centred, this is something that is unlikely to take place.
The way one views their needs could be the result of how their caregiver/s responded to them during their early years. This may have been a time when one had to focus on their caregiver’s needs, and this would then have caused them to believe that there was something wrong with their own needs.
Once one changes how they see their needs and they begin to feel comfortable with them, they will no longer have the need to rescue others. The assistance of a therapist may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.