When someone goes from one relationship to another, they are often described as having a rebound relationship. And this can takes place within a very short time of one ending and the other beginning; so there is very little time in between each one.
This could be a relationship that has lasted for a matter of months or it could have been one that has lasted for many years. So there is no time limit when it comes to someone having a rebound relationship.
Now, opinion is often divided as to whether they are a good idea or a bad idea. And at first glance, it can be easy to see them as being far from healthy and being nothing more than a way for someone to avoid themselves.
It could be seen as someone building a new house on the remains of an old one; what is left over from the last house is neither cleaned up nor removed. One is simply building a new house on the original ruins. This is going to be a house that has very unstable foundations and is likely to crumble or move at any moment.
All it will take is the slightest bit of bad weather or a heavy object to be placed in a certain area of the house for instance and it will all come crashing down. Similar to how the relationship could come to an end through only minimal conflict or tension.
With the relationship having very little substance, it might not take much for it to come crashing down just like the house. And one could shortly be on their way to finding another rebound relationship.
This could then become a pattern of their life and by going from one person to another; they have very little insight into who they really are without having someone else around. Their whole identity has become dependent on being with another person.
To be by themselves could be something that they fear and as a result of this, they will do everything they can to avoid it. And so it is not too important if the other person is compatible or not, all that matters is that one is not without someone in their life.
Being in a relationship has then become an addiction and something one can’t stop themselves from doing. As soon as they experience any kind of emotional pain they cover it up; by either leaving one relationship for another or going straight into another when it ends.
It is then not really a relationship that one wants or that one is in, it is just a way for them to run away from themselves. What this person probably needs to do is to ‘clear the ruins away’ so to speak.
To get back in touch with themselves and to start again; instead of running away from pain and seeking pleasure all the time. To take responsibility for how they feel and to deal with what is going on within them.
The Other Side
While the above can be true and one can have a rebound relationship for all the wrong reasons, they can also have one for the right reasons. And this is because this is clearly not something that is either black or white.
Although one could have a rebound relationship to avoid themselves, it could end up being a relationship that is healthy and fulfilling and allow them to truly develop as a human being. So even though the remains of the last relationship have not been dealt with by one having a time out; it doesn’t mean that it is being built on unstable foundations.
What is clear is that people grow at different rates and process things differently. There can also be a certain timing to things in life and so another person can appear at just the right time. It could be that while they were in the relationship, they had already emotionally disconnected and started to seek the next one; either consciously or unconsciously.
So physically they were there, but emotionally, they had disconnected. When the other person ends the relationship or when one ends it themselves, they are then ready to go into another.
The drive to avoid themselves is not there, what is there, is the need to find another person who is compatible with who one has now become. One relationship might have completely ended a short while ago and yet it could have partly ended a very long time ago.
On the surface it can look as though someone is acting out of character and engaging in extreme or dysfunctional behaviour, when in reality it is a natural transition. A transition from what no longer reflects who one is, to a relationship that does.
So intellectually, one might doubt what they are doing or become caught up in what other people say about what one should or shouldn’t do, but at a deeper level, one will know it is for the best.
And whether other people agree or disagree with what one does or doesn’t do, is often irrelevant; as the only person that can truly know if it’s for the best is oneself. If one does something to please another, they will be the ones who face the consequences of their actions; the person or people they are pleasing are unlikely to have to face anything.
So one may as well do what is best for them and what will result in the best consequences. And if that means going from one relationship to another, then that is something one will have to do. This is not to say that one should act without care or consideration for others, what it means is that one has to live their truth. And sometimes people will be hurt, whether that is ones intention or not.
Ultimately it comes to self understanding and trusting oneself; to know what one does will be for the best and if it doesn’t work out, then one will be able to handle what happens. Either way, one can learn and grow from the experience.
And if going into another relationship is not the right thing, then it will be important for one to engage in some kind of inner work and to let go of what no longer serves them. This could mean that the one seeks the assistance of a therapist, healer or a coach or reads up on relationships.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.