It is not uncommon for a woman to complain about how she keeps ending up with men who are emotionally unavailable, and it would be easy to say that a woman like this is incredibly unlucky. Time after time, she ends up experiencing the same outcome - it can then seem as though men need to get it together.
Yet, to place the onus on men in general and to overlook the part that the woman is playing in particular would be to say that this woman has no effect on this area of her life. This area of her life is then going to be completely out of her control.
Ultimately, whenever two people are drawn together, there is always what is going on for one person and what is going on for the other. Still, unless both people are aware of what part they have played in being drawn to the other (or at the very least willing to look into why this is), it will be normal for them to feel powerless or taken advantage of.
If a woman can see that she continually attracts a certain type of man, this will give her the ability to see that it is not just a case of being unlucky. Likewise, if she was to continually hit the bullseye of a target or to get one promotion after another, she probably wouldn’t say that she is just lucky.
An Easy Decision
If, after attracting one man after another who is the same, she is ready to look into why this is, it will allow her to gradually transform her life. It won’t be easy to do this, though; the easy option will be to continue to feel like a victim.
Through going within and seeing how she feels at a deeper level, she may find that she has some emotional wounds to deal with. These are most likely the result of what took place during her early years.
The Other Side
When it comes to a man who is emotionally unavailable, there could be a number of reasons as to why this is. For one thing, he may have just broken up with his ex and still be emotionally attached to her.
Alternatively, it could show that the man just doesn’t feel the need to take things further with the woman. Therefore, if he was to meet a woman who is different, he might be only too happy to take things further.
It’s Not an Option
Then again, the man may be this way due to what took place during the beginning of his life, meaning that it won’t simply be due to what happened with an ex. The only thing that the man will be able to offer will be his mind and his body, with this heart being offline.
If a woman was to expect anything more from the man, it would cause her to suffer unnecessarily. Deep down, this man could be carrying a lot of pain, pain that will have caused his heart to close up.
But, while he can be carrying a lot of emotional baggage, it doesn’t mean that this will be clear to see. There is the chance that the man will have developed a strong exterior, allowing him to come across as confident, capable and as though he has it all together.
The image that they present to the world will then belie what is really taking place within them. Nonetheless, the mask that he wears will stop him from being able to emotionally connect to other human beings.
Consequently, this will leave him with the need to share his body and to fulfil his minds needs. There can also be the need to gain approval from others and to be seen in a certain way.
What this will illustrate is that a big part of him is going to be focused on what he can get from others, not on what he can give. Behind the image that he presents to the world, could be someone who feels more like a boy than a man.
If this is the case, he is not going to be looking for a woman to be with; what he will be looking for is a mother. By feeling like a boy deep down and needing a mother, it is not going to be possible for him to see a woman as a human being.
In addition to seeing women as mother figures, he may also have the tendency to see men as father figures. The wounded boy that is within him can be looking for the nurturance that he didn’t get from his own mother and the support and guidance that he didn’t get from his own father.
In order for him to no longer feel like a boy and to be able to relate differently to women, it will be vital for him to work through the emotional wounds that are within him. This will allow him to gradually reveal his true-self and to fully show up.
If a man can relate to this, and wants to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.