It could be said that although rejection is part of life, there are some people who experience it more than others. Now, at times this will be due to how someone lives their life.
For example, let’s say that someone is an entrepreneur, who is constantly putting their ideas in front of different people. Someone like this will end up taking more risks (calculated risks), meaning that they are not going to have the same degree of acceptance that they might have if they had a normal job.
Alternatively, someone could be at the point in their life where they are looking for someone to have a relationship with. One could then be going out on a regular basis in order to meet their match.
If one is a man who is approaching different women, as opposed to a woman who might just be able to wait for a man to come to her, for instance, he is naturally going to experience a fair amount of rejection. But, in cases like this, the rejection that they experience is simply a means to an end.
A Big Difference
This is naturally different to someone who doesn’t just experience rejection from time to time but who, more or less, always experiences rejection. Along with what happens externally, they might also have the tendency to feel rejected for no apparent reason.
Thus, it won’t matter what is taking place externally, as it is not going to stop them from feeling as though they are not accepted and that they are worthless. It is then not a feeling comes and goes; it is something that has taken root in their being.
However, even though this will be a feeling that has become a big part of their life, it doesn’t mean that one will realise this. Consequently, it might seem as though they only experience life in this way due to what is taking place externally.
And, as a result of what is taking place within them, they will also feel rejected even when they haven’t been rejected. It will be as if they are wearing special glasses, with these glasses defining how they interpret other people’s behaviour.
A Common Occurrence
If someone like this is in a relationship, they may find that their partner doesn’t treat them very well. Yet, instead of doing something about it or ending the relationship, they choose to put up with what is taking place.
They might struggle to remember when they last felt accepted and appreciated by this person, which might show how dysfunctional their relationship is. If they were to look back on their life, they may find that their past relationships were no different.
Alternatively, someone like this could still be mulling over their last relationship, even though it ended many months ago and wasn’t functional. Doing this could cause them to feel rejected and as though they have no value.
Ergo, even though it won’t have been a fulfilling relationship, they are still going to be craving the person who treated them badly. Along with this, they could have moments when they wonder what it would be like to be with someone who is different.
It Does Feel Right
Still, if they were to meet someone who is different and this ended up going further, there is a strong chance that they would soon lose interest. This person is not going to treat them in a way that will support how they feel on the inside.
It then won’t matter if they wanted to be with someone who accepted them before the relationship began, as this won’t be what a bigger part of them wanted. This part of them will only feel comfortable if they are with someone who validates how they feel in the inside.
Consciously, then, it could be said that one will want to feel accepted and to be accepted by others, but, unconsciously, this is not something that feels safe. As feeling rejected is what feels safe at a deeper level, it will be as though feeling this way is part of who they are.
Ultimately, their ego can form an identity around anything; it doesn’t matter if it is empowering or disempowering. The only thing that matters is that it is familiar, with what is familiar being what is safe.
Therefore, if one was to let go of this feeling and no longer felt rejected all the time, it would be as though they had lost themselves. They will only know who they are when they feel rejected, so to no longer feel this way would be experienced as a loss.
At one point in their life, their ego mind would have come to associate feeling rejected as what felt safe. And, as the days and weeks went by, feeling this way would have gradually become part of their identity.
What this can show is that their early years were a time when they were abused and/or neglected. Being treated this way would have caused them to experience a lot of pain, but there wouldn’t have been anything that they could do about it.
Experiencing all this pain and being treated badly wouldn’t have been good for them, yet it would have ended up being what felt comfortable. Being treated differently, even if it meant being treated with love, would have been seen as a threat to their survival.
If someone takes all this into account, it will allow them to understand why they are hooked on feeling bad. Their behaviour may have been seen as irrational before, but now it will make more sense.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they might need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.