Relationships: Are Some People Destined To Attract People Who Are Abusive?

If one was to take a step back and to think about the people they have been with throughout their life, they might think about the different moments that they have shared with them. This could then be a time when they will see that they have had more good than bad moments in this area of their life.

A Closer Look

When it comes to the bad moments, perhaps there have been times when they had a connection with someone and then before long, they came to see that there was nothing there. How they felt when they first met them would then have been radically different to how they felt as time went by

Along with this, they may have been at least one person who they had to break up for reasons beyond their control. This could have been a time when they were about to head to university/college, or vice versa.

Another Country

If this was not something that took place, it could have meant that it was during a time when they were about to spend a little while in another country. One may have believed that this would be for the best.
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Or the person they were with might have done this, and one might ended up being in a bad way. They may have seen this person as someone who they wanted to spend the rest of their life with.

A Lasting Impact

But if one was to put these moments to one side, they may remember the good times that they have shared with others. This may have meant that these were people who they connected with on all levels.

Their head, heart and body would then have been on board, so to speak, and they wouldn’t have wanted to be with anyone else. And due to the connection they had, it would have been a lot easier for them to deal any challenges that arose.

Something to look forward to

Through having had these kinds of experiences, there will be no reason for them to worry about if it they will meet someone similar in the future. They have done it before and so they will be able to do it again.  

At this time in their life, they might not have the desire to be with anyone, and this could show that they have recently broken up with someone. One could then prefer to focus on their career and to spend time with their friends, for instance.

Another Scenario

However, while one could look back on their life and reflect on what has taken place, they might not feel the need to do so. This could come down to the fact that they are in a relationship with someone.

As a result of this, they could think about the good times they have shared with the person they are currently with. But regardless of whether one is with someone or not, it will be normal for them to have these kinds of experiences.

Two Extremes

When someone experiences life in this way, this area of their life is going to have a positive effect on them. And, even if they are not currently in a relationship, they will know what it is like to be with someone who is right for them.

But while this is how they will experience life, there are going to be other people who won’t be able to relate to this. It is then going to be as if these people live on a completely different planet.

A Number of Similarities

Yet, although this area of their life is going to be different, there are going to be a number of things that are the same. For one thing, they are giving to breathe the same air, and they might even go to the same places to buy what they need.

Nevertheless, when it comes to what it is like when they are in a relationship, it won’t be the same. One person will be with someone who treats them well, and the other will be with someone who treats them badly.

Undermined

When one is treated well, it will allow them to grow, and other areas of their life will also improve. But when one isn’t treated well, it will stop this from taking place, and other areas of their life are bound to suffer.

If one is can relate to the former, this might be how their life has always been, or there may have been a time when they were also treated badly. And if one can relate to the latter, this might also be how their life has always been.

A Deeper Look

The kind of people that one attracts can be defined by what took place when they were younger. What took place during this time can lay the foundations for what one will feel comfortable with.

So if they were treated well as a child, they are likely to feel comfortable around people who will treat them in the same way, and if they were treated badly, they can also feel comfortable with people who will treat them in the same way. At this time, they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what took place.

Destined

Therefore, if one is used to attracting people who abuse them, it could be said that this is not much of a surprise. If anything, this was something that was almost certain to take place.

It is then similar to how if someone was born in Mexico, they would have ended up speaking Spanish. Through being abused by their caregiver/s as a child, they would have unconsciously been drawn to people would treat them in the same way as an adult.

Awareness

This will also to apply to people who are treated well by the people they end up with; with their early years setting them up to experience life in this way. Ergo, there is going to be no reason for one to blame themselves if they have been with people who are abusive, they can realise that there wasn’t a lot that they could have done.

But now that they are aware of why this has taken place (and perhaps this was when they were supposed to ‘wake up’), they will be able to do something about it. The next step might be for them to reach out for external support, and this can be provided by a therapist.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk