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While someone could be in a position where they have saved a number of dogs from drowning, it could go even further than this. Perhaps they also work in the fire service, and have then stopped a number of people from losing their life.
They could also find that this kind of behaviour appears in their personal life, and one is then going to be used to being there for others in all areas of their life. However, this doesn’t mean that one has to have a history of saving dogs and/or to be in the fire service in order for this to occur. A Normal Part of Life When this is something that appears in their personal life, it is unlikely to be something that takes place from time to time. There is a strong chance that this is an experience they have each day. This could be because they are in a relationship with someone who is unable to handle life, or it might be a sign that they are surrounded by friends who have the same problem. At the same time, their time might be divided between helping their partner and their friends. Friendship Through being this way it won’t matter whether they are in a relationship or not, as they will always be helping someone. They could find that they have more time for others when they are single, or this might not be the case. Doing what they can to help their friends could always be on their mind, and it is then not going to be possible for them to overlook their needs. The effect this has on their relationship is then going to be downplayed. Admiration But while the person they are with could end up becoming frustrated if one behaved in this way, they could also see it in a positive light. The fact that they are only too happy to be there for their friends is then going to be something they admire about them. The time one spends with their partner could also be diminished by the amount of time they spend with their family. This could also be a time where one is taking on what these people can’t solve themselves. Two Options If one was to think about what they are doing, they could see it as the best option, and this could be a sign they only see one other option. In their mind, the other option may involve ignoring other people’s needs. As a result of this, one could believe that they would be selfish if they didn’t do as much for others, and it will then be normal for them to judge others in the same way. It then won’t matter that this is causing them to ignore their own needs and to stop other people from taking responsibility for their own lives. External Support What will also make a difference here is the kind of feedback that they get from other people, and how one’s behaviour will generally be supported. Other people could see them as a role model and say that the world needs more people like them, for instance. As it is not uncommon for people to be uncomfortable with their own needs, it could be said that it is to be expected that this outlook would be so common. It is then not a case of one being ashamed of their own needs; it is that they are simply ‘selfless’. An Illusion Being selfless is then seen as something to aspire to as opposed to something that is often a reflection of the false-self. Still, unless one starts to feel comfortable with their own needs, this is not going to change. But when one is receiving approval from others and is seen in a positive light, they are not going to feel the need to change. The pain they experience through ignoring their own needs will be offset by the pleasure they receive through pleasing others. All Together Based on what they do for others, it could mean that other people see them as some kind of super hero. One can then see seen as someone who has it all together and the people they save are the ones with the problems. When it comes to what one does for others, it can all depend on who they are trying to help. For example, one could have a pattern of being drawn to people that have mental and emotional challenges or those that can’t support themselves, among other things. Falling Apart Through being with someone like this, their attention can end up being consumed by the other person’s problems. And if one believes that they have it all together and the other person is the one who can’t handle life, they will feel as though they are doing the right thing. It can then be normal for one to experience a sense of superiority and as though they are the only ones who can help others. However, although one can believe that they are in a better position than the people they rescue, this is not going to be the complete truth. Two Levels From the outside, it can look as though one is healthier, and this is partly because of the false-self that they have created. Yet, if they felt comfortable with their own needs, they wouldn’t spend so much time trying to get their needs met indirectly by rescuing others. Along with this, rescuing others is an indirect way for them to rescue the parts of themselves that they have disowned. But as they have disconnected from these parts, it won’t matter what they do for other people as this won’t enable them to heal themselves. Awareness If one has the tendency to rescue others and they no longer want to avoid themselves, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 27 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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