While there are people who realise that they can’t do everything by themselves, there are others who have a different outlook. When someone can relate to the former, they are going to accept the fact that they are an interdependent human being.
As a result of this, there are going to be things that they will be able to do by themselves and things that they won’t. When they can’t do something, it will be normal for them to get in touch with a friend or a family member, for instance.
Behaving in this way is going to be what feels comfortable, and this is then why this takes place. Yet, even if they do feel uncomfortable about asking someone for help, they might push through how they feel.
And, if they were to come across someone who says that they don’t need others, they might find it hard to understand why they have this outlook. They might start to wonder if this person has actually thought about what they are saying.
This might be as far as it will go, or they could ask them a number of questions. Through taking this approach, one may even end up being criticised in some way, and this will show that it is not going to be possible for them to get through to them.
One could then start to think about how they rely on people in all areas of their life, and if these people disappeared their life wouldn’t be the same. For example, if they drive a car, there are going to be the people to look after the roads they use, as well as those who service their car.
When it comes to the electrical devices that they use to go online, there are going to be the engineers who make sure that their internet connection doesn’t go offline. In fact, one could spend hours thinking about all of the people out there who allow them to life as they do.
What may also come to mind during this time is how this is not something they have thought about before, or if they have, it is not something that they have thought about in as much detail. Nevertheless, it could be said that this is to be expected.
Through being able to drive wherever they want and to go online whenever they want, for instance, they may have believed that this is something that just happens. The roads are then always ready and their internet connection is always there.
As they are in touch with the fact that they need others, there is a strong chance that they don’t have trouble opening up and being vulnerable. In general, they may believe that other people are trust worthy.
If something is troubling them, there will be no need for them to keep it to themselves and to act as thorough everything is fine. This is then going to allow them to have relationships with others that are deeply fulfilling
Ultimately, one is going to be able to embrace their true needs and feelings, and this will allow them to act in an authentic manner. And as this is how they behave, the people in their life are likely to be the same.
However, when one doesn’t have this outlook and they believe that they can do everything by themselves, they are likely to be out of touch with their true-self. Even so, they might not even be aware of this.
A Different Reality
As far as they are concerned, they are going to be an independent human being; therefore, they won’t need anyone else. This is likely to be mean that they have disconnected from a number of their needs and feelings.
If they do have people in their life, they may only have a surface level connection with them. The reason for this is that they will have the need to look strong, and to come across as though they are invulnerable.
One is not going to let other people get too close to them, and this is naturally going to make it difficult for them to experience intimacy. There is a strong chance they believe that other people can’t be trusted.
So, as they have the need to come across as highly capable, they are likely to be drawn to people who are the opposite. One can then end up judging these people for being needy and weak; when in reality, these people are likely to remind them of how they feel at a deeper level.
But unless one is able to get in touch with what is taking place within them, they will continue to believe that these people are the ones who need to get it together. Being around people who are like this can also validate their sense of superiority.
Thus, instead of being able to see that there is a reason why they attract people who are like this, it will be seen as something that happens randomly. One could feel extremely proud of the fact that they don’t need others, and this is likely to come across in how they behave.
If they were to get in touch with how they feel, it is highly likely that they would experience a lot of shame, amongst other things. It is then not that one doesn’t need others; it is that they feel too ashamed to acknowledge this.
There are going to be a number of ways for them to avoid how they feel, and staying busy is going to be one of them. Another way will be for them to make sure that they don’t get too close to anyone.
A Closer Look
If one does get close to someone, they will have to embrace how they feel, and it might then cause them to push this person away. What this is likely to show is that it wasn’t safe for them to express their needs and feelings when they were younger.
At this time, they may have been abused and/or neglected, and this would have set them up to believe that there was something wrong with their needs. This would have stopped them for being able to develop in the right way,
Ultimately, there is nothing wrong with their needs and feelings; needing others is simply part of being human. And embracing this doesn’t make one weak or needy; it just means that they are able to face reality.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for support. This is something that can be provided by a friend or a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.