Relationships: Are We Attracted To The People Who Will Allow Us To Replay Unresolved Childhood Trauma?
When it comes to what causes one person to be attracted to another, it is can be easy to believe that it is simply due to effect that the other persons personality and/or appearance has had on them. These two factors will then have had the biggest effect on why someone is sexually attracted to another person.
One way of looking at this would be to say that these are the only two things that someone is aware of when they come across another person. Sure, there can be how much money they have or how famous they are, for instance, which can play a part, but in general, there will usually only be two things for them to go by.
If, after one feels sexually attracted to another person, they end up taking things further with them, there is the chance that this area of their life will go from strength to strength. One can then look back on when they first met and reflect on how well this area of their life is going.
It could then be said that one had the ability to see that this person was right for them, and this is then why they were attracted to them. This is then similar to seeing something that is healthy and having a strong need to eat it.
Now, this is not to say that they won’t ever argue or experience conflict; what it means is that this won’t be something that permeates their relationship. And, even when they do have a disagreement, they might typically be able to resolve it in a mature and loving manner.
There is then going to be no reason for either of them to lose self-control and to blame the other. What this can show is that they both have the ability to own their own feelings, instead of making their partner responsible for them.
This could be how this area of their life has been for as long as they can remember; one is then not going to have been in an abusive relationship before. There is the chance that one had a fairly nurturing childhood.
Alternatively, they may have been in a number of relationships that were not like this. What this could illustrate is that one has had to work through a lot of baggage in order to be able to experience life in this way.
A Different Outcome
On the other hand, after taking it further with someone who they feel sexually attracted to, they may find that it is only a matter of time before they start to feel completely different. This is not to say that this will take place after a few weeks or even a few months, as it could take a little while longer.
After the so-called ‘honey moon’ period is over, one could wonder what has happened to the person they were with at the beginning. It could be as though this person has been replaced by someone else.
A Big Surprise
Consequently, it is going to be normal for one to feel confused and even victimised by this person. It might seem as though the view that they had of the other person was nothing more than an illusion.
They might come to believe that this person was out to deceive them from the start, knowing exactly what they were doing. However, although it can seem as though they had absolutely no idea about what would happen as time went by, this is not the complete truth.
Consciously, it was clear that they had no idea about what would happen; as far as this part of them was concerned, the other person was a good match. The thing is, though, it wasn’t just their conscious mind that caused them to be attracted to this person
What also caused them to be drawn to this person was what was taking place in their unconscious mind. In fact, what was taking place at a deeper level would have had a far bigger effect.
In a way, it would have been as though their conscious mind had a list of things it was looking for and their unconscious mind had another list of things it was looking for. In the beginning, it would have seemed as though they had met someone who matched up with the list they were aware of, but as time passed, the person would have matched up with the list that they were unaware of.
What this shows is that what is taking place at a deeper level has far more control than what is taking place on the surface. Consciously, one may have wanted to be happy and to be with someone who they could share their life with, for instance, but at a deeper level, they would have wanted to attract someone who would allow them to replay their unresolved childhood wounds.
For example, let’s say that one had a caregiver who was cold and detached or who was verbally abusive, they can be drawn to someone who is the same. The years will have passed since this time in their life, but this early trauma will have stayed within them.
Due to this, being around someone like this will be what is familiar and therefore, what feels safe to their unconscious mind. Ultimately, attracting people who will bring these wounds up to the surface is a way of them to become aware of what they have disconnected from within themselves and then to heal it.
But, if one is not aware of what is going on and blames the other person, it will be harder for them to grow and develop. They can end feeling angry and bitter, believing that the world is against them.
If one can relate to this, and they want to heal their childhood wounds, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.