Relationships: Are We Defined By The Internal Representations That Other People Have Of Us?

It has been said that one ends up being similar to the five people they spend most of their time with. This is something Jim Rohn expressed and while there might be slight variations to this, it could be seen as a fairly accurate judgment.

So for some people, this is going to be something they are well aware of and this causes them to be extremely discerning in who they spend their time with and allow into their life.

And yet for others, this could be something that they are completely unaware of. Therefore, it won’t mater who they spend their time with or bring into their life.

Focus

In recent years, the media has emphasised the importance of eating the right food and getting enough exercise. This can only be described as a good thing and as a sign that people are realising how important their body is.

However, there are still going to be people who don’t heed this advice; due to not having the right information or being indifferent for example. For some people, their health is something that is often ignored until there is some kind of crises and then it becomes important.

Anything Goes

So in the case of one not valuing their health, they might put anything into their mouths and not wonder what it is doing to their body. As long as it tastes good and fills a hole, it is good enough.

And this is what it would be like to allow anyone into one’s life. Having them there and filling an emotional and/or intellectual hole would be all that is required. What will then be overlooked is if this person is enhancing one’s life or not.

It can take a while for one’s health to decline as a result of eating food that is not healthy and the same can apply to people. At first they might appear to be making a positive difference and after while, it soon becomes clear that this is an inaccurate assessment.

Change

This is not to say that the other person has changed and is now completely different. It could be that one has changed so much, that being with them now makes them feel trapped, stuck or limited in some way.

And as people grow and change at different rates, this is to be expected. It doesn’t make the other person ‘bad’ or ’inferior’, it just means that they are no longer in alignment. It is possible that one will notice this miss match in where they are at and it is then going to be easier to do something about it.

Invisible Block

However, it is also going to be possible for one to be in a relationship with someone and not realise what is happening. They could feel as though this person is holding them back and stopping them from growing, but it could also be something that they can’t quiet pinpoint.

On one level someone can be described as a friend and intellectually that fits, but at another level, it might be something that doesn’t feel right. It is going to be a lot harder for change to occur in this instance.

Interdependence

As no one is their own island, it is impossible not to be affected by others. Just as if one eats something, it is going to have an impact on their body; this can be avoided. The impact it has could be fairly minuscule at first, especially if one has a small amount, but over time it will be noticed.

What one can do is limit the time they spend around certain people or put an end to the relationship completely. To do this, could cause one to feel instantly better or it could take a while for ‘cleanse’ themselves.

Internal Representations

On one side is how one sees themselves and on the other is how other people see them. When another person sees them in a way that matches up with one’s own ideas, there is likely to be a connection.

Their internal representation could allow one to feel accepted, supported, validated, respected, empowered, heard and appreciated for example.  This then defines how one will be treated by them.

Known And Unknown

And someone might be aware of how they see another, just as they could be unaware of it. But no matter if they are or not, how they behave around them will reveal how they see them on the inside.

Sense Of Self

So all the time this reflects how one sees themselves, one won’t feel limited or trapped. The challenge will arise when one feels that how this person sees them does not reflect how one sees themselves.

And this is why it is important for one to have a strong sense of self or least a vision of how they would like to be. The contrast will allow one to know if they are staying on track or not.

Reality

There is always going to be people who do not respond in the ways that reflect how one sees themselves. And this is part of life, what doesn’t have to be part of life is having close friends who are the same.

This is something one can change and even though the majority of people won’t, it doesn’t mean that one has to accept and internalise their responses.  What matters is that one maintains their own vision of who they are.

Awareness

To be around someone who embraces how we see ourselves or at least doesn’t label us, can be inspiring, fulfilling and empowering. So if one finds themselves in a position where the people in their life are not supportive, then it will be necessary to look into why this is.

This can be done with the assistance of a therapist, healer or a coach. And if one prefers to work by themselves, they can engage in some kind of self study and look into what their beliefs are in relation to what they deserve.

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Oliver J R Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/