While there are some people who are in relationships that could be described as ‘functional’; there are others who are in relationships that could be described as ’dysfunctional’. And as a result of this, their experience on this planet is going to be radically different.
If one is in a position where their relationship is fulfilling, it will be something that has a positive effect on their life. When they are in the other person’s presence, they are likely to feel good about themselves.
They may also find that the other person encourages them to grow as a person, and this will then show that they are more than just someone who is in their life. This could also mean that they admire the person they are with.
Alternatively, if one is in a position where their relationship is not very fulfilling, it is going to be something that has a negative effect on their life. When they are around the other person, one could find that it is a challenge for them to feel good about themselves.
The other person might not encourage them to grow and develop, and it could then be said that they won’t them to stay as they are. Thus, they could see their partner as someone who is there to make their life harder.
If one was to eat a meal and they didn’t like it, there is a strong chance that they wouldn’t eat it. They might then put the cutlery down and order something else, or they might not have anything else.
But while this will be the case when it comes to food, it doesn’t mean that will behave in the same way if they are in a relationship that wasn’t right for them. Instead, they can end putting up with how things are and suffering unnecessarily.
This is not to say that other people won’t realise what is taking place though, as there could be a number of people who are only too aware of how they are experiencing life. They could tell them to walk away, or they might say that they should seek some kind of professional help.
The kind of feedback that they receive could all depend on what one’s relationship is like with their partner. For example, if one is being abused they could tell them that they need to leave the other person, but if it is not as extreme as this and one says that they still want to be with them, then someone else could suggest that they have some kind of counselling, for instance.
Now, if one was with someone who was abusive and they were to bring their relationship to an end, they may find that they don’t want to have another relationship for a little while. Through having a break, it can then allow them to process the pain that they experienced with the other person.
And even if they were to develop a negative outlook towards the opposite sex, they may find that this starts to change as time passes. Therefore, it will be possible for them to see that not only men/women are the same, and this will give them a greater chance of finding someone who is right for them when the time is right.
A Different Outlook
However, even though one can end up believing that all men/women are the same through being with someone who is abusive, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to let go this outlook. Based on what they have experienced, they could believe that the person they were with reflects what all men/women are like.
But through having this outlook; it is going to be a challenge for them to attract someone who is different. Therefore, it could be said that their own outlook will stop them from being able to attract someone who a functional human being.
In The Same Position
Yet even though one could walk away and have this outlook, they could have this outlook and still be with the same person. On one side, they are going to believe that all men/women are the same, and on the other side, this is not going to be enough for them to leave the relationship.
It could then be said that regardless of what they believe about men/women, it will be important for them to reach out for the right support. And this is because the longer they stay with someone who isn’t right for them, the worse their life will be.
When one believes that all men/women are the same, it can be a sign that their emotions are out of control and this then stops them from being able to think clearly. And if they have been with someone who took advantage of them, it is to be expected that they will have a lot going on at an emotional level.
They could feel incredibly angry, and this could even mean that there is also rage and hate within them. At a deeper level, they could feel powerless and hopeless, and this can then show how vulnerable they feel.
An Early Experience
What can also cause one to believe that all men/women are the same is if their early years were not very functional. During this time, they may have had a mother or a father who took advantage of them in some way.
Through having these kinds of experiences, it would have set them up to believe that all men/women are the same. These experiences may have first occurred when one’s ability to think was still being developed, and this means they wouldn’t have been able to realise that not every man/woman was the same.
The only thing they would have had was an emotional response, and the emotional responses they had would have defined their outlook. So if one can relate to this, it will be important for them to work through their early childhood pain.
This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group. When one questions what they believe and processes the pain that they first experienced during their childhood, it will give them the chance to see that not all men/women are the same.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.