There are a number of things that can have a negative effect on a relationship and, while some of these things can be the result of what is taking place within, there can be others that are due to what is taking place without.
When it comes to the former, it can be due to inner conflict, with what is taking place between two people causing tension. On the other hand, when it comes to the latter, what is going on externally could be creating tension.
A New Opportunity
Let’s say, for example, that one of them has been offered a promotion – the downside being that they need to relocate. One of them can then be pleased that their chance has come; what won’t have pleased them is that they will have to move somewhere else.
Still, after some consideration, they may be open to moving somewhere else to in order to move ahead with their career. The partner might not be on board with this, though, and have no interest in moving anywhere.
A Big Decision
Up until this point, their relationship could have been sailing along and going from strength to strength. Now, thanks to something positive that has taken place in one of their lives, it will be a different story.
If one of them ignores themselves and goes along with what the other wants, it could lead to a lot of resentment. It can then seem as though the problem has been resolved, but it will have been pushed down and this could mean that the relationship will gradually crumble as time goes by.
Then again, if one of them is willing to go along with what their partner wants and deals with the conflict that is within them, their relationship could continue to go in the right direction. If this was to take place, it is likely to show that this person has a good relationship with their emotions.
Therefore, instead of pushing down how they feel and acting as though they no longer feel as they do, they will embrace this part of their being. This might be painful in the short-term, but it will serve them well in the long-term.
Part of Life
A curve ball will then have been thrown at their relationship, yet they will have been able to deal with it gracefully. Their connection would have been tested but not because one of them had done anything wrong.
However, if one of them was to cheat, it would mean that one of them has created a problem. It is then not that a challenge has been put in front of their relationship; it is that one of them has created one.
At the same time, there is the chance that their partner is not aware of what has taken place. As things stand, then, one will be able to keep what has happened to themselves; thereby, allowing the relationship to continue as normal.
Perhaps their partner senses that something isn’t right, they just can’t quite put their finger on it. It might also not be accurate to say that one has created a problem as the relationship might not have been working.
A Regular Occurrence
In this case, there would have been a problem and this would have caused them to look towards someone else. Thus, while it may seem as though this is an example of an external problem, this wouldn’t be so.
Also, one may not have just been with another person once; this could be something that they have done on a number of occasions. One will then have shared their body with a number of different people.
When it comes to their relationship, one could have the tendency to feel ignored, lonely, undesirable and rejected. Spending time with someone else can then be a way for them to sooth themselves.
What this can illustrate is that they find it hard to handle their emotions and that there is a lack of open communication in their relationship. Going with another person could be something that almost happens automatically.
One may also behave in this way with the hope that their partner will actually notice that something is not right. This will then be a childlike way for them to solve what is taking place in their relationship.
The trouble is that while the childlike part of them might see their behaviour as being justified and hope that this will cause their partner to change, it is unlikely to lead to this outcome. The reason for this is that their partner is not their parent; they are someone who they are in a relationship with.
A Different Approach
If one had a good connection with their emotions, were able to regulate them, and they were able to talk to their partner about how they were feeling, they might have been able to gradually resolve what was going on for them. Reaching out for external support if they were unable to do this would have also helped.
But if this didn’t work, one may have come to see that it was time for them to cut their ties with the other person. This would have been hard, yet at least they would have been able to create the space for someone suitable to come into their life.
If one can relate to this, and they no longer want to behave in this way, they may need to reach out for external support. What they may find, if they were to this, is that the pain that comes up in their adult life goes back to what took place during their early years.
Working through this pain will make is easier for them to handle how they feel and it will allow them to develop a better relationship with their emotional self. This support can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.