There are some men who generally have relationships, while there are others who have absolutely no interest in having one. But even if a man doesn’t want to have a relationship, it doesn’t mean that he has always been this way.
No Longer the Same
If there was a point in their life when they did have relationships, or were in a relationship, they may have had a different outlook. Perhaps this was a time in their life when this was just something that took place, as opposed to something they consciously decided to do.
And now, for one reason or another, this is no longer something that appeals to them. Yet, if one has never had the desire to be in a relationship, it won’t be as if there was a point in their life when everything changed.
So, if a man doesn’t want to be in a relationship, it would be easy to assume that this means he just wants to ‘sleep around’. This might be something that a man wants to do, but then again, it might not be.
The man might just want to spend time in his own company and to work on other areas of his life. It is then not that he has ‘gone his own way’, it is just that this is not a time in his life when he wants to share his life with a woman.
The Odd Occasion
At the same time, there may be times in his life when he does spend time with a woman. He may find that he enjoys a woman’s company at certain times in his life, but wouldn’t want this to be a regular occurrence.
It could then be said that his main priority is his own purpose and he might even have children from another relationship that he enjoys spending time with. And who knows, perhaps he will end up in a relationship in the future.
A Common Outcome
If man does want to sleep with a lot of women and ends up making this a reality, he is likely to receive a fair amount of positive feedback from others. There are bound to be a number of people who will see him as the ‘alpha man’.
It is unlikely that everyone will have this outlook, though, as there likely to be moments when he will be criticised for being this way. There can be a number of reasons as to why someone would do this.
A Closer Look
If he was judged by a woman for doing this, it could be a sign that they end up falling for a man who they had sex with but the man didn’t want to take things further. On the other hand, if a man was to judge them, it could show that he secretly wants to behave in the same way but doesn’t feel comfortable doing so.
There are going to be others who say that as long as this man is not hurting anyone, there is nothing wrong with what he is doing. Along with this, they could point out there are a number of women who are the same.
When a man behaves in this way, there is likely to be what is going on at a surface level, and then there can be what is taking place at a deeper level. The first level might be the only level that the man is in touch with.
At this level, it could relate to the man’s desire to have sex and to experience pleasure; he might even believe that having sex with lots of women is what a man should do. By not having a relationship and just having sex, it can be as though he is getting the best bit.
Through being this way, he may view certain women as objects of pleasure; things that he can use to feel better about himself. This can then stop him from being able to see that these women are just people, people with their own needs and feelings, amongst other things.
Having an endless flow of women to have sex with could be seen as being something that will allow him to life a fulfilling life. He might also say that he has a ‘strong sex drive’, with this being one of the things that drive his behaviour.
The Second Level
However, if a man was to get in touch with what is taking place in his body, he may find that there is another reason why he has the desire to behave in this way. It might then become clear that this is not really about having sex; it is more about fulfilling his unmet childhood needs, and avoiding the kind of situations that caused them to suffer as a child.
Their early years may have been a time when they didn’t get the love that they needed form their mother, whilst also being smothered by her. As a result of this, part of them will want to be with a women and part of them won’t want to get too close to them.
Simply having sex with a woman will allow them to receive attention from a woman, but what it won’t do is cause them to feel smothered. The man can then have best of both worlds, so to speak.
If this is the case, it could be said that behind the exterior that they have created to attract women is a wounded boy. And if a man had a mother who was distant on one hand and smothering on the other, there is also the chance that their father wasn’t around or that he was emotionally unavailable.
This would have stopped him from being able to develop boundaries. He would have come to believe that if he got close to someone, it would cause him to be smothered by them and to be completely annihilated, thereby causing him to fear intimacy.
If his father was available, there would have been no need for his mother to get this close him. Not only this, he would have been on hand to stop this from taking place, which would have allowed him to develop in the right way.
Two Other Reasons
His father wouldn’t have been around to affirm his worth and this can then be why his sense of value as man can be defined by how many women he sleeps with. Doing this can also be a way for him to receive positive feedback from men, the kind that he desperately needed from his father as a child.
Deep down the man may blame his mother for the fact that his father wasn’t around, instead directing this anger at his father for not being there. The control that he experiences through sleeping with a woman and then leaving them can compensate for how powerless he felt as a child, with this being a way for him to experience indirect revenge.
If he blamed his father for leaving and not his mother, there is the chance that he would come across as more feminine and have the tendency to blame men for everything. The man who sleeps around is then in conflict with his feminine aspect; whereas the other type of man is in conflict with his masculine aspect. Having said that, if someone experienced trauma as a child, they are likely to have issues with both sides of their nature.
Due to the pain that former experienced when they were growing up, it would have caused them to disconnect from their emotions. They could be carry a lot of pain in their body, and this can be why they are unable to see women as people.
When they were growing up, they wouldn’t have received the love, care and support that they needed. And as they were unable to develop these parts of themselves, they end up projecting these parts onto certain women; it then won’t have matter if a woman has actually integrated these aspects within herself.
The strong urge that they have to have sex with a woman is then a result of the fact that they remind them of that which they haven’t integrated within themselves. One is then trying to consume something externally in order to try to make up for what they feel they lack internally.
After a man has behaved in this way for a little while, he can come to see how much time he has wasted. How the energy that he used to attract women could have been used to create something significant.
He may also get to a point where sleeping with women is no longer giving him the same rush, and this can cause him to take a step back and to reflect. If a man can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.