When someone first starts to spend time with another person, they may find that they only experience good feelings. If there are moments when they don’t, these moments may soon pass.
The same could also apply when they are not in the other persons company, with this being a time when they will experience good feelings whenever they think about them. If there are moments when they don’t, these moments may also pass before long.
A Gradual Change
However, as the weeks and months go by, they may find that their emotional experience starts to change. There could be times when they don’t experience good feelings when they are with their partner and the same thing could happen when they think about them.
When this happens, one could end up experiencing a fair amount of emotional pain. One could come to believe that the reason they feel different is because of what their partner has done or because their partner has changed in some way, for instance.
If they come to this conclusion, there is going to be no need for them to take a step back and to see if there is more to it. What is going on out there will be the cause and they won’t have played a part in how they feel.
The outcome of this is that they could end up blaming their partner, with it being clear that they the ones who are at fault. Their partner could end up going along with this or they could end up pushing back.
Out of Balance
If their partner goes along with it, it could show that their partner doesn’t have a clear idea of what they are responsible for and what they are not responsible for. Due to this, it will be normal for them to take the blame for things that have nothing to do with them.
On the other hand, if their partner draws the line and doesn’t take on what doesn’t relate to them, one may look into what part they are playing in how they feel. If they do this, it will have a positive effect on their relationship and it will also serve one’s own evolution.
A Different Outlook
The reason for this is that one will own their own wounds as opposed to blaming their partner for what has been triggered within them. This will stop them for projecting their issues onto their partner, thereby giving them the chance to work through their inner wounds.
These inner wounds can relate to what has taken place in their adult life and they can go back to what took place during their childhood years. Unlike a physical wound, an inner wound won’t just heal by itself.
An emotional wound can just be covered up and forgotten about by their conscious mind. The downside to this is that when it is brought up to the surface, months or even years later, one can blame another person for how they feel.
For an emotional wound to be healed, one will need to be with how they feel and to give the wound their full attention. One is then not resisting or trying to change how they feel, they are being with their emotional self.
A Big Impact
One way to look at these emotional wounds would be to say that they make it hard for one to operate as a whole human being. They are then going to look whole from the inside, but on the inside they will be anything but whole.
Another way of looking at this would be to say that one will have many different split-off parts within them. It will take a fair amount of energy for one to keep these parts at bay and it won’t be possible for them to fully show up.
One could then be in great physical shape, for instance, but they won’t be completely in their power. What this illustrates is that if one ignores these inner wounds, they won’t be able to function at their best.
Still, what can happen is that one can get used to living in this way, which is why it can seem as though everything is fine. Their energy is unlikely to be as strong as it could be and their presence is likely to be diminished.
As they begin to work through their emotional wounds and to integrate these split-off parts, more of them will be able to show up. Furthermore, they will be less reactive and able to be more present around their partner.
So by viewing their emotional pain in a totally different way, it will make it easier for them to grow and develop. They will realise that whenever emotional pain comes up, it will be calling out to be acknowledged; it won’t want to be pushed down or changed into something positive.
If one can relate to this, and they want to become a more integrated human being, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
The reason one may need external support is because they might not be able to handle these wounds by themselves, which will stop them from being able to work through them. By having someone else to hold the space for them, they will be able to go where they wouldn’t go by themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.