When a relationship gets to a point where it is no longer working, each person is likely to feel different to how they felt in the beginning. When they spend time in each others company, they could be thinking about how long it will be until their time together will come to an end.
However, during this time they may not have a lot of time to think, and this is because they could spend a lot of time arguing. Their emotions will then be running high and so they may find it hard to think clearly.
What each person is going through could be seen as a result of what the other person has done and/or what they are doing. In this case, the only way things will change is if the other person changes.
But if they both believe that the other person is in the wrong, it is highly likely that very little will change. There is then the chance that they are more concerned with being right than making any kind of progress.
It Goes On
Yet even though they find it hard to be in each other’s company, it doesn’t mean that one person will end the relationship. Instead, they could continue to spend time together, and what this could show is that they have moments when they get on.
Or what it will show is that neither one of them is willing to do something about what is taking place. Their mental and emotional health is then likely to suffer through what is taking place.
A Negative Impact
Thus, it could be a challenge for them to focus when they are at work, and this could make it even harder for them to overlook their relationship. If they were in a position where they could put their relationship to one side and focus, this wouldn’t be the case.
It might then be a lot easier for them to pretend that everything is fine, and there may be no reason for other people to suspect that something isn’t right. What is taking place can then be swept under the carpet, so to speak.
Having said that, one of them may have a number of people who they open up to about what is taking place. When this happens, they could talk about what the other person is doing and how they have changed.
One may be encouraged to talk to their partner about what is taking place, or they may tell them to walk away. At the same time, one may find that the people around them also criticise their partner, and this could make one believe that they are simply bystanders in what is happening.
If one is told to talk to their partner, it could be said that one will be getting the guidance that they need. The same could also be said if one is told that they need to listen to themselves.
Yet if these people end up saying that the other person is the problem and one is simply a victim, then they are not going to be assisting them. This could play a part in one believing that they have no control and that the other person is the only one who can do anything about what is taking place.
Ultimately, this is going to have a negative effect on their life, and the sooner their time together comes to an end the better their life is likely to be. If one was to step back, they would be able to see that this relationship is not adding anything to their life.
This could be a sign that they are still holding onto how it used to be, and this is stopping them from being able to face reality. It is then not that someone else is harming then; it is that they are harming themselves.
But if one was to get the point where they can longer put up with the relationship, it doesn’t mean that this will be a smooth transition. Once it comes to an end, the other person could end up trying to tarnish their image, for instance.
Or one could end up getting back together with the other person and the same dynamic could play out all over again. And if they have children, this is going to cause them to suffer in one way or another.
Even though this is where one may find themselves, it is clearly not something that took place overnight. There would have been things that annoyed them long before they started to hate the other person.
Yet as they didn’t do anything about what was taking place, it caused them to build-up and to become something far worse. Or perhaps they did speak out about what was taking place and nothing happened.
The Conscious Approach
Alternatively, one could have taken the time to pay attention to how they feel and to allow their feelings to influence their behaviour. And if they did this and it didn’t have an effect, then it would be up to them to end the relationship.
While doing this may cause them to feel uncomfortable, what it will do is stop them from experiencing a lot of problems down the line. It is then similar to fixing a leak before it ends up ruining the whole house.
In order to do this it will be important for one to have strong boundaries, as this will allow them to feel safe in their body. Through being this way, they will be able to listen to what is taking place within them and to express this part of themselves.
If one is with someone they no longer want to be with and they are finding it hard to speak their truth or if they have been in this position in the past, they may need to work with a therapist. Through having their assistance, it will allow them to gradually develop boundaries.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.