Relationships: Can Being Emotionally Disconnected Stop Someone From Having The Need To Experience Intimacy?
While there are some people who experience deeper connections with others, there are others who don’t. This means that the interactions that they do have with others will generally be surface level.
One way of looking at this would be to say that they will be on the side of a swimming pool; they will be looking at the pool, but that will be a far as it goes. Whereas when one has deeper connections with others, they will be in the pool, so to speak.
And through having deeper connections with others, there will be less chance that one will feel lonely. This is because they will be sharing who they are with people who care about them.
The connection that one has with others will then allow them to feel connected to life itself. These kinds of connections are likely to be one of the few things that bring true fulfilment to their life.
Therefore, if one doesn’t experience life in this way, it could be said that they will be missing out. And unless they open up to others, it is not going to be possible for them to experience life differently.
What this comes down to is that one can’t experience the same level of fulfilment as they would through opening up to others by buying things or through simply sharing their body, for instance. This is not something that can be replaced by something else.
However, even though one will be missing out through experiencing life in this way, it doesn’t mean that they will realise it. Instead, one could do everything they can do avoid experiencing deeper connections with others.
On one hand, they might not reveal how they feel or what is taking place for them, and on the other hand, they could keep a distance from the people who do. But if they are with someone who does open up, they could soon change the subject.
In this case, it will be clear that they have no interest in empathising with what the other person is going through. This could mean that they stop themselves from connecting to how they feel, or it might be something that just doesn’t happen.
So through behaving in this way, there is a strong chance that they spend time with people who are the same as them. This is not to say that one will consciously look for these kinds of people, as they could just end up coming into contact with them.
Yet, it would be inaccurate to say that this is a random process, as they will be drawn to them because they are an energetic match. The people who are not a match for them will be the ones who have the need to experience deeper connections with others.
At the same time, this doesn’t mean that one won’t come into contact with them; what it means is that that will be as far as it goes. They could come cross them in a social setting and they could say a few words to them, but that could be all there is to it.
Based on how they behave, it would be easy to say that one doesn’t have the need to experience intimacy. The only thing they need to have is surface level interactions with others and that is just as fulfilling.
And if someone said to them that they are missing out through experiencing life in this way, they could end up disagreeing with them. Or it might not even have an effect on them, and the conversation could soon veer off in another direction.
If one is disconnected from how they feel, they can end up being out of touch with their need to experience intimacy. As a result of this, there is going to be no reason for them to experience deeper connections with others.
One could find that simply being around other people and talking about surface level things is more than enough. And when it comes to their interactions with the opposite sex, it might only be about two people sharing their body.
For example, one could find that even though they are out of touch with how they feel, they are only too aware of their need to be sexual with others. The reason for this is that one’s emotional needs can end up being sexualized
Thus, instead of being in touch with how they feel and sharing these feelings with others, these feelings will end up increasing their sexual arousal. And unless one realises what is taking place, they could come to believe that they simply have a high sex drive.
But while one can have sex as a way to fulfil their emotional needs, they can also be in a position where they won’t even feel cut-off from others. The reason for this is that if one is out of touch with how they feel, it won’t be possible for them to feel lonely.
And if they were to experience this, they could find a way to distract themselves from what is coming up to the surface. This could mean that one will end up throwing themselves into their work, or something similar.
When one is emotionally disconnected, it can be due to what has happened in their adult years or what took place during their early years. If it relates to their adult years, it could be a sign that a relationship came to an end and instead of processing the pain, they disconnected from their feelings.
But if it goes back even further, it could mean that one experienced a lot of pain during their childhood years, and disconnecting from their feelings may have been the only way for them to handle what took place. This could have been a time where one had a caregiver who was abusive and/or they may have been neglected.
So if one an relate to this and they want to get back in touch with how they feel, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.