It is often said that it is not a good idea for one to be needy if they want to find someone to be with. In fact, it could be said that this is the kind of advice that one is most likely to hear from other people.
Along with this, one might have heard about how important it is for them to value themselves. As if this isn’t the case, it will be harder for them to find someone who will treat them well.
Therefore, the ideal will be for one to make sure that are not needy and to value themselves before even think about getting into a relationship. This will give them the best chance of finding someone who is right for them.
If one was to look back on their life, they may find this is how they have been whenever they met someone who they would go on to have a relationship with. There is the chance that they had the desire to be with someone, but it wouldn’t have been something that ended up taking over their life.
And if they didn’t have the desire to be in a relationship and they came into contact with someone who they got in with, they would have been coming from the right place. So regardless of what took place, they would have started off on the right foot.
This could show that one has spent a certain amount of time developing themselves, and this then what allows them to behave in the right way. Alternatively, one may have simply had a good upbringing; with this being a time when they received what they needed in order to develop in the right way.
What they received would have allowed them to love themselves and their needs would have generally been taken care of. They are then not going to hate themselves and there will be no need for them to like a like a needy child.
As Time Went By
This may have meant that one ended up staying with these people for quite some time, or this may have been something that only occurred with one of them. When it comes to the others, one may have found that they didn’t have a connection as time went by.
At the same time, they may remember that they had to end a relationship because one of them had to move away. Perhaps this was a time when they were just about to go to college/university.
What this shows is that even if one was coming from the right place, it doesn’t mean that they would have ended up having a long-lasting relationship. When it came to whether they stayed with someone, there would have been things that were out of their control.
But as they have been with people who were right for them in the past, this is likely to give them the belief that they can do it again. It won’t be as if they are trying to experience something that they haven’t experienced before.
Yet although there are going to be people who realise that it is not good to be needy when it comes to finding someone to be with, there are going to be others who don’t. Or if they do realise this, it might not have much of an effect on them.
One could think about how they are coming from the wrong place, but their mind could end up being taken over. The part of them that needs to be with someone will end up defining how they behave.
In the same way that someone could eat anything if they were starving; one could end up being drawn to anyone. Their ability to think clearly will be offline and their body will end up taking over.
This will be the part of them that has the need to find someone to take care of their needs. If they were able to take a step back, it could be as if someone else is in control of how they behave.
On one hand, there can be what one will do to find someone to be with and, on the other hand, there will be the part that other people play. When it comes to the first part, one will do what they can to attract someone.
But when it comes to the second part, one could end up going with whoever acts interested in them. Through being so desperate to have someone in their life, they won’t take the time to see if they are right for them.
A Dangerous Way to Life
Now, this could mean that one just ends up with people who are not a good match, and this is then not going to be too bad. However, what they could also find is that they end up with people who are extremely abusive.
This area of their life is then not just going to something that causes them to be frustrated; it will have caused them a lot of harm. It is then going to be vital for them to do something about this.
A Deeper Look
When one is this needy, it can show that they are not in good way emotionally, and it is unlikely that it is going to be enough for them to simply think differently, for instance. During their younger years, they may have been abused and/or neglected.
This may have stopped their brain from being able to develop in the right way, and they are likely to lack a strong sense of self and the ability to regulate their own emotions. Thus, through feeling incomplete and having the tendency to be emotionally unstable, it will be normal for them to have such a strong need to be with someone.
As they didn’t receive what they needed when they were younger, they can feel like a child who needs someone to look after them. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support; this is something that can be provided by a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.