Relationships: Can Childhood Trauma Cause Someone To Associate Getting Close To Others With Being Annihilated?
Although one will have the need to form close connections with others, it won’t have been possible for them to do so. Thus, the need will then be there but they won’t have been able to fulfil it.
What they could find is that their life has been this way for as long as they can remember. And, as they are an interdependent human being, this is likely to mean that have suffered greatly and continue to so.
A Frustrating Existence
Over the years, they may have been with a number of people who were emotionally unavailable. If so, they will have been in a number of relationships but they won’t be able to fully connect to these people.
It could be as if they are very good at attracting people who are not ready for a relationship. As a result of this, one could see themselves as being unlucky and even have moments when they feel like a victim.
A Different Experience
Then again, they might have been able to get this far and might not have ever had a relationship. This could make them wonder if there is something inherently wrong with them.
For their life to change, they could believe that they will need to move to a different country or need a miracle. What is going on just won’t make any sense and they could be desperate for their life to change.
A Heavy Weight
Due to what is taking place in this area of their life, they may find that just about every other area of their life suffers. It would be easy to say that they just need to learn to let go and yet, this would overlook how important this area of their life is.
Also, as this area of their life has been this way for so long, it is naturally going to have a big impact on them. Not only will an important need be overlooked but there will be the effect this has on how they feel about themselves and their life.
Now, if they were to reach out for external support, they could end up being told that they need to work on their self-worth. By not believing that they deserve to have a fulfilling relationship, then, they are sabotaging this area of their life.
Through working on this part of them, it won’t be long until they are able to finally experience what they deserve to experience. They will have been through enough, so now it will be time for their life to change.
The Same Old Story
After working on their self-worth and level of deserving, they may find that, compared with how long they have been waiting, it isn’t long until their life changes. Conversely, they may find that this doesn’t have much of an effect.
Or, if their life does change, they could soon find that they actually feel uncomfortable getting close to another. Dealing with one issue will then have brought them into contact with another.
If this is what takes place, they could struggle to understand why they would feel unconformable with something that they have wanted for so long. Furthermore, as this need is part of the human experience, there is no reason why they should feel this way; getting close to another should be what feels comfortable.
Their conscious mind won’t understand what is going on and this could show that their mind has blocked out the information that would shed light on why they are this way. Most likely, there was a point in time when they were deeply traumatised and their mind has blocked this out to protect them.
Back In Time
This could relate to what took place during their early years, with this being a time when they were abused and/or they may have been neglected at an earlier period. Throughout his stage of their life, they would have routinely felt overwhelmed.
Their brain and nervous system would have been in an undeveloped state and unable to handle what was taking place. Therefore, to survive, they would have had to disconnect from themselves and live in a dissociated state.
The Foundations Were Laid
If they were physically harmed, they would have felt as though they were going to die, and/ or, if they were neglected very early on, when they were given attention, the attention that they did receive might not have been appropriate, which would have caused them to feel smothered and as though they were going to die. Whether one of or both of these things took place, their boundaries wouldn’t have been respected.
In order to protect them, their ego-mind would have come to associate getting close to others and human contact as something that would cause them to be annihilated. These experiences would have been generalised, with every human being being seen in the same way.
The Fall Out
Cleary, the associations that were formed all those years ago will no longer be serving them. At the time, they would have made it easier for them to handle what was going on by keeping their distance from others and not being emotionally present.
What took place will be over but a big part of them won’t realise that this stage of their life is now over. To this part of them, their life will be the same and they will need to keep people at bay to stay alive.
If one can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.