Although someone will be an individual, with their own needs and feelings, when they are around others they could have the tendency to lose touch with these inner aspects. As a result of this, they will act more like an extension of others.
Instead of expressing who they are, then, their true self, they will end up becoming someone else. This may mean that they will typically play the same role when they are around others.
When they are around others, they could be easy-going, cheerful and only too happy to take care of their needs. If they are this way, it is not going to be a surprise if they have a lot of friends.
One will have a lot to give and they won’t expect much in return, making them the ideal person to have around. To those who like being the centre of attention, one will be the perfect person to have around.
However, regardless of how many friends one has, or even if they are in a relationship, they are unlikely to feel deeply connected to any of these people. Being with others will stop them from being all alone but it won’t be possible for them to experience a deeper connection.
In order for them to have this experience, they will need to be in touch with themselves and to reveal who they are when they are in another person’s company. When this takes place, they will be able to feel seen and heard.
The Only Way
As things stand, one might need to be by themselves to be connected to their needs and feelings. They are then going to be alone but at least they will be in touch with themselves.
This could be how they have been for as long as they can remember and they could struggle to understand why they are like this. They could be desperate to reveal who they are around others and no longer hide.
One Big Act
Playing a role when they are around others won’t allow them to receive the nutrients that they need to feel alive. They will receive a fair amount of acceptance and approval but this won’t do much for them.
It will just momentarily take the edge off the loneliness that they feel, only for this sense of loneliness to return when they are by themselves. Also, the acceptance and approval that they do receive won’t be for who they truly are; it will just be for the role that they play.
At this point in time, one could believe that they have no control over what is going on and just have to put up with how things are. If this is the case, they are likely to believe that their life will only change if other people change.
What is going on “out there” will need to shift or else their life will always be the same. If they have this outlook, they will be nothing more than a powerless victim and they will just have to tolerate what is going on.
It Feels Comfortable
While it may seem as though one has no control over what is taking place, this is not so. Behaving in this way is not serving them but, at a deeper level, this is going to be what feels safe.
Until they feel safe enough to reveal who they are around others, their life is unlikely to change. The big question is: why would they only feel safe when they are hiding?
A Deeper Look
What this is likely to show is that they were only “loved” during their childhood years when they did what their caregivers wanted. If they didn’t do what they wanted, they probably emotionally pulled away from them and perhaps abandoned them.
At this stage of their life, as they were emotionally dependent on their caregivers, they needed them to survive. Without their love and presence, they would have emotionally suffered.
During this time, one was left with two options: either they lost touch with themselves and pleased their caregivers or they stayed connected to themselves and ended up being isolated. Due to how underdeveloped they were, they would have generally been forced to choose the former.
When they were loved, it wouldn’t have been real love; it would have been based on them playing a role. And, no matter how much effort they put into being who their caregivers wanted, there would have been times when they were left.
The Past Is Present
What took place will be well and truly over but their body will carry the emotional pain that they experienced all those years ago and their mind will carry the meaning that was made. Thanks to this, revealing who they are around others and asserting themselves, will be seen as something that will cause them to be unloved, isolated from others and for their life to come to an end.
For their life to change, they will need to question what they believe and to work through their emotional pain. By doing this, they will gradually feel safe enough to express who they are around others and, consequently, to feel connected to them.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.