Relationships: Can Childhood Trauma Stop Someone From Being Able To Move on After A Breakup?

Although there are some people who can generally move on after a relationship has come to an end, there are others who find it incredibly difficult to do so. Nonetheless, when one can carry on with their life, it doesn’t mean that they won’t experience pain.

Manageable

What it is likely to mean is that this won’t be something that will overwhelm them, thereby stopping them from being able to live their life. They might face how they feel and grieve the loss of the relationship.

Their thinking brain is then not going to be in conflict with their emotional brain; these two parts will be able to work together. This will stop them from having the need to avoid how they feel.

Business as Usual

However, as the pain within them is not too strong, it is going to be a lot easier for them to be with how they feel. By taking this approach, there will be no need for them to disconnect from their body and to live in their head.

One will be able to continue to be in touch with what is going on in their head and what is taking place in their body. If the pain within them is slightly stronger than they can handle, they might reach out for external support.

Interdependent

Through talking to a friend or a family member, for instance, it will give them the additional support that they need at this time in their life. Ultimately, one will have a healthy relationship with their emotions.

There is then going to be no need for them to feel ashamed of how they feel or the fact that they need someone to be there for them. After a short while, they may decide that it’s time for them to find someone else to be with.

Secure

Then again, they may prefer to enjoy their own company for a while. One is then going to feel comfortable with their emotions and they will feel comfortable with themselves.

Through feeling comfortable in their own skin, they won’t need to be with someone in order to feel good. This is also likely to mean that other areas of their life are deeply fulfilling, providing them with what they need to fulfil their deepest needs.

A Meaningful Life

For one thing, their career could meet a number of their needs, and they may have done the same thing for quite some time. Alternatively, they may have only just started to do something that is fulfilling.

Either way, this area of their life will have a positive effect on their wellbeing. In addition to this, they may have a number of friends who they enjoy connecting with and sharing their life with.

A Whole Human Being

With this in mind, one is not going to feel empty and as though they need someone else to complete them. One will have a clear sense of where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end.

Due to this, they will realise that there is only so much that another person can give them and that they can give another person. This will then stop them from expecting too much from another person.

Another Scenario

There are then going to be others who generally have a different experience when a relationship comes to an end. It might not matter if one had been with another person for a few months or a few years.

Along with this, it might not matter if they were in a relationship that was working, or if they had been with someone who they actually wanted to be with. Now that it has come to an end, they could be overwhelmed with pain.

A Deep Sense of Emptiness

It could seem as though something from within them has been taking away, with this being why they feel empty. One would have gone from feeling like a whole human being, to a human being that is missing something.

If this is what has taken place, it is naturally going to be a challenge for them to carry on with their life. It might not matter if they have a fulfilling job or close friends, as their life will end up being put on hold.

The Next Step

Through being in so much pain, they could end up finding someone else to be with. Conversely, they could end up finding something that will allow them to disconnect from their pain.

One way of looking at this would be to say that the end of the relationship has caused them to feel this way. That might have played a part, but there is likely to be far more to it.

Looking Back

If one feels empty now that the relationship has come to end, there is as strong chance that they felt that way before when they in a relationship – either consciously or at a deeper level. Therefore, the end of the relationships would have simply triggered what was already within them.

And through feeling as though they were lacking something, it would have set them up to expect a lot from the other person – it may have even caused them to end up with someone who wasn’t right for them. Perhaps they saw them as some kind of caregiver, which would have meant that they felt like a needy child.

A Closer Look

What this may show is that the reason they feel so bereft after a relationship comes to an end is due to what happened when they were growing up. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected.

Their developmental needs wouldn’t have been met on a consistent basis, if at all, and this would have stopped them from being able to develop in the right way. This would also have caused them to experience trauma.

Awareness
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If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk