Relationships: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Attach To The Wrong People?

What might soon stand out, if someone were to step back and reflect, is that they have the tendency to end up with people who are not right for them. This could be something that has happened so often that they question if they want to be with another person.

But, as fed up as they can be, what this will have done is allow them to stop what they are doing and to take a closer look at what is going on. By doing this, it can allow them to gradually change this area of their life.

Jumping In

So, it might generally not take them long to attach to another person. After they have met someone, then, they could end up getting physical with them and perhaps having sex.

This could be what happens after a matter of days or even weeks. What this will do is cause them to form an emotional and physical connection with them before they have found out if they are a good match for them.

The Next Stage

Along with this, as the days, weeks and months pass, part of them could wonder why they are with them as they might not have much in common. Not only this but they might not be treated very well either.

However, as they will have formed an attachment to them they probably won’t just be able to walk away for them. It could then take a little while before they are able to draw the line and move on.

A Tough Time

Now, once they are able to do this, part of them can be greatly relieved but another part of them can be in a bad way and crave their ex. If so, this part of them could hope that they will get back with their ex.

This can be seen, by this part of them, as the only way for them to feel better. Assuming that this was to happen, they could feel better in the short term but feel worse as time passes.

Another Scenario

Or, they could end up finding someone else to attach to and the same pattern could play out. Therefore, over the years, they will have had many highs and many lows and this is likely to have taken a lot out of them.

Nonetheless, while they will have had enough of living in this way, they might not believe that there is another way for them to experience life. This is likely to show that they feel helpless and hopeless.

Two Levels

On one level, it is going to seem as though they just happen to end up with the wrong people, but, there is a strong chance that there is far more to it. As strange as this may sound, another part of them could be causing them to continually end up with the wrong people.

Thus, at this level, they are ending up with who this part of them wants them to end up with. At this point, it could seem as if there is something inherently wrong with them.

Going Deeper

But, if they were to explore what took place during their formative years, what is going on for them might start to make sense. This may have been a time in their life when it wasn’t possible for them to attach to and bond with their mother and/or father.

This would have deeply wounded them and prevented them from receiving what they needed to grow and develop in the right way. To handle what was going on, their brain would have repressed the pain they were in and a number of their developmental needs.

Out of Reach

Yet, although they wouldn’t have been able to attach to and bond with their mother and/or father, they wouldn’t have been able to completely accept this. As they were powerless and totally dependent, this would have been too much for all of them to accept.

As a result of this, along with blocking out how they felt and a number of their developmental needs, what their mother and/or father were actually like would have also been blocked out. Part of them would have lived in the hope that if they struggled enough, they would finally be loved.

Replaying The Past

What played a part in this is that they were egocentric, so they would have believed that they were the problem and if they changed, their mother and/or father would change and give them what they needed. Most likely, though, their mother and/or father were simply unable to love them as they were probably not loved during their early years.

The years would have passed and, deep down, they would have continued to look for the love that they missed out on. Their unconscious mind will have caused them to unconsciously recreate scenarios that were very similar in the hope that they would finally be loved.

It's Over

It won’t matter that this stage of their life is over or that another person is not their mother and/or father as this part of them has no sense of time and is blind. For them to no longer look for what can’t be provided and accept what can, they are likely to have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience.

This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk