Relationships: Can Self-Development Condition People To Believe That They Need To Be Perfect To Have A Relationship?
When one is used to having relationships that are not very fulfilling, they could begin to wonder what is going on. As a result of this, this area of their life is likely to cause them to experience a lot of pain.
However, even though this is the case, the main thing is that they have taken a step back. The alternative would be for them to continue to behave in the same way, and this would cause them to experience even more pain.
But based on what they have gone through up until this point, they are not longer going to be willing to carry on in this way. This is not to say that the pain they have experienced is the only factor involved here, as there could be more to it.
There is the chance that they have been exposed to something that has caused them to see life differently. Through having a different inner experience, it has allowed them to detach from what is taking place.
Back In Time
If one was to reflect on how they behaved in the past, they might see that they acted as if they had no control over what was taking place. It would then have been normal for them to behave like a victim.
And through having this outlook, one would have been nothing more than an effect of their environment. Therefore, it wouldn’t have been possible for them to do anything about what was taking place.
Still, even though one no longer has this outlook, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they believe that they can change their life. It could simply show that they have had enough, and that they want to find out about what they can do.
The main thing is that they have taken the first step, and now they can start to look for answers. What this shows it that part of them believes that they are not an observer of what is taking place.
On the other hand, one could be in a position where they have never had a relationship before. In this case, one won’t know what it is like to attract the wrong people, but they will know what it is like to feel powerless.
They might find it hard to understand why they haven’t been able to experience life differently. The people they spend time with could be in relationships, and they might even have children.
The Next Step
So regardless of how one has been experiencing life up until this point, they might end up looking for information online. It could be said that this will be the obvious thing to do, as one won’t need to go very far.
As long as they have some kind of device, they could go onto a search engine and type in a question. If they find what they are looking for straight away, this is likely to be a big relief.
A Matter of Time
Yet, if this is not something that happens straight away, it is not going to be the end of the world. The only thing they will need to do is ask another question, and they will soon be on their way.
What this comes down to is that as there is so much formation online; everything they want to know is going to be on there. Therefore, as long as one is willing to be patient and to keep looking, there is no reason why they shouldn’t be able to find what they are looking for.
Plenty of Options
This can be a time when they will come across articles, books, videos and podcasts, among other things. One can then choose whatever option suits their needs, or they can use all of the options that are available.
There is the chance that one will hear about how important it is for them to ‘love’ themselves, and how this is the key to having fulfilling relationships. Thus, once they are able to do this, they will no longer experience life in the same way.
Or, if one doesn’t hear this, they could be told that they need to work on their ‘self-esteem’. Ultimately, it is going to be necessary for them to feel comfortable in their own skin, and there will be a number of ways for this to occur.
One way will be for them to change what they believe about themselves, and this can take place through using affirmations. They can also monitor their mind and to begin to think differently.
After a while, one could start to see themselves differently, and they could then feel as though they are ready to have a relationship. At the same time, they might not have got this far, and it can then be normal for them to hold themselves back.
Due to what they have heard, they could come to believe that not only do they need to ‘love’ themselves, but that their whole life needs to be in order. It could then be seen as something that will take them a very long time to achieve.
A Closer Look
Now, clearly it is going to be a good idea for one to value themselves; if they don’t, they could end up attracting someone who will treat them badly. Having said that, one of the reasons why human beings have relationships is to heal themselves.
What this means is that they don’t need to have it all together order to find the right person to be with. When one tries to be perfect, it would be the same as them believing that they need to be full before they go out for a meal.
Out of their need to be perfect, they are likely to find that there is always going to be something for them to work on. And through being single, they could start to experience a new set of problems.
For example, if they are not experiencing human touch, it can be harder for them to feel good about themselves. Also, if they were to end up with someone who is not right for them, it could mean that they need to find someone else.
When one is willing to work through their own issues and the person they are with is the same, their relationship will allow them to heal their pain together. It could then be said that it is not so much about one being perfect, as it is about them being willing to work through their own pain with someone else, and finding someone who is the same.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.