Relationships: Can Someone Have A Healthy Relationship With Another Person If They Have A History Of Abusive Relationships?
When one meets someone they like, they might not look into what their past relationships were like. In this case, the only thing they could be concerned about is what the other person is like around them.
Point of Focus
This could also be a time when one will spend a lot of time thinking about what they are like as a person, and this could be someone who ticks all the right boxes, so to speak. Based on the experiences they have had with them, one could believe that this is someone who is perfect for them.
What this might then mean is that the other person has the right appearance, and this could be something that is having a big effect on how they feel about them. If one was to talk to their friends or family about what is going on for them, they might all say the same thing.
These people could say that they are happy that one has found someone who is right for them, and that could be as far as it goes. During this time, one could talk about the good moments that they have shared together.
It could be said that it will be normal for them to behave in this way, and this is because they only want what’s best for them. If they were to ask one if the person they are with is actually right for them, it could have a negative effect on them.
One might start to wonder if their friends and family support them, if they asked them a question like this. It could be as if these people don’t want them to be happy, or that they are trying to stop them from having a relationship.
However, while it can seem as though this is something that is black and white, there is going to be more to it. As even if one of their friends was to ask them if they are with the right person, it doesn’t mean that they don’t have their best interests at heart.
Out of Action
What this comes down to is that when one likes another person, it can stop them from being able to pay attention to what they are really like. It is then not that they are trying to have a negative effect; it is that they are asking the kind of questions that one is unable to ask themselves.
One’s thinking brain can end up being offline, and this is then why they will be caught up with how they feel. And, through being caught up in how they feel, it might not be possible for them to see what the other person is like.
A Clear Head
Therefore, the people around them can end up playing a very important role and, if one was to ignore them, it could soon come back to haunt them. But if these people don’t ask them about what the other is like and encourage one to use their brain, it could be said that they would be doing them a disservice.
As if these people were to do this and it caused one to take a step back from how they feel, it might save them a lot of problems in the long run. So, even if they were to feel uncomfortable about doing this, they might end up thanking them soon after.
Alternatively, one could meet someone and they could ask them about what their past relationships were like. At this time, one might not hear about anything that causes them concern, and so they won’t need to worry.
This could be someone who doesn’t have a history of being with people who are unhealthy or abusive, for instance. One could then come to believe that they have met the right person and there will be no reason for them to hold back.
A Chequered Past
One could also find that the person they like has only been in relationships that are unhealthy. Upon hearing this, they might decide to take a step back and to cut their ties with this person.
Having said that, this can all depend on what someone has done since they have been with these kinds of people. If they have looked into what part they played and worked on themselves, it could show that they are ready to meet someone who is healthy.
Yet, if someone talks about how unlucky they are or blames the people they were with, it is likely to show that they lack self-awareness. And, through being this way, it will probably be in one best interest to walk away.
This might cause them to experience pain in the short-term, but it will save them a lot of problems in the long-term. If one is feeling needy, it might be a lot harder for them to do this.
At the same time, one could hear about what has happened in their past and they could feel the need to save them. One could then believe that this is someone who is simply unluckily in life, and that they deserve to be treated right.
Another way of looking at this would be to say that the other person has a good heart; it is just that they have ended up with the wrong people. One can feel as though it is down to them to prove that not all men/women are the same, and to treat the other person how they deserve to be treated.
There is the chance that this will allow one to have a fulfilling relationship with the other person, and it could be as if they are with someone who has always experienced life in this way. One can then feel proud of themselves and think about how they did the right thing by sticking with them.
On the other hand, one could soon start to think about why they didn’t pay attention to what this person said at the beginning. It could then be only to clear as to why his person ended up in abusive relationships.
Ultimately, when it corms to who someone ends up with, this is not a random process. It is not one’s job to rescue or to save another person; that is something only they can do.
And, if one does have the tendency to try and rescue other people, it could show that they are trying to avoid the part of themselves that needs to be rescued. When it comes to healing this part, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
To book your free 15-minute consultation, click here.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.