In the same way that someone would need to be in the right place in order to drive a car, they would also need to be in the right place to have a relationship. When it comes to the former, if someone was unable to drive or was drunk, it wouldn’t be a good idea for them to drive.
On the other, when it comes to the latter, if someone generally neglected themselves and felt as though their life lacked meaning, it probably wouldn’t be a good idea for them to start a relationship. One wouldn’t be in a good place, so it is unlikely that they would end up finding someone who is in a good way either.
Not a Problem
However, if they have the ability to detach from what they are going through and are able to see themselves in a more objective manner, they will be able to do something about their current situation. Therefore, in the same way that one would realise that they would need to learn how to drive before they try to drive a car, they will see that they have work to do on themselves.
This might frustrate them in the short-term, but at the same time, they will be able to see that it will be worth it in the long-term. They might see that if they were to simply go ahead and find someone anyway, it would set them up to have even more challenges to overcome.
One Step at A Time
Not going right ahead and being patient, will give them more energy to work on their own issues. Putting their foot on the break, so to speak, will most likely allow them to come into contact with someone who is actually going to aid in their own evolution as opposed to adding more drama to their life.
This process can take place by them reading books and applying what they learn, and they may need to reach out for external support. Simply having access to a search engine can give them access to all kinds of information.
The Next Phase
And, in the same way that someone would need to be in the right place to drive a car, they would also need to pay attention to what is going on when they are in the car. Likewise, there will be what needs to take place before one gets into a relationship and then, there will be what needs to happen when they are in one.
When it comes to driving a car, one will need to be aware of what is going on around them and what is taking place on the dashboard, for instance. In a relationship, one will need to be aware of the effect that their behaviour has on the other person.
Along with this, being aware of what their needs and expectations are will also help. This will give them the opportunity to see if it is actually possible for their partner to meet a certain need and if they should have a certain expectation.
Having a good level of emotional intelligence will also help, as this will allow them to take responsibility for how they feel. This will make them less likely to project their emotions onto their partner or shut down and to be moody if conflict arises.
It’s Perfectly Clear
When one not only has a certain level of self-awareness, but has the desire to continually improve their level of self-awareness and to heal their wounds, they will be able to find a way to resolve a lot of their issues and to come into contact with someone who is a good match for them.
Through being this way, they will have the ability to handle what takes place within them and what takes place without once they are in a relationship. In other words, they will know how to drive and they will be on the ball when they are driving.
A Radically Different Scenario
The alternative will be for someone to have very little, if any, self-awareness while they are single and to be this way when they are in a relationship. It will then be a challenge for them to detach from what is taking place within them and to see themselves objectively.
Regardless of what is going for them, they can still end up looking for a relationship. This may mean that they will find someone who is in a good place or it may mean that they will find someone who will cause them a lot of problems.
The Next Part
Once they get to this stage, they may expect their partner to meet all their needs and expectations. When this doesn’t take place, they can believe that the other person has let them down.
Also, they can have the inclination to blame their partner for how they feel and to act moody when something doesn’t go their way, demonstrating their lack of emotional intelligence. One can then be totally oblivious to the effect that their behaviour is having on their partner.
The trouble is that if someone does lack self-awareness, they can end up playing the victim when something goes wrong, which can just make their life even worse. The sooner they can start to develop self-awareness, the better their life will be.
Thankfully, there are all kinds of resources online that can help someone to do just that. With the desire and the drive to develop self-awareness, there is no reason why someone can’t do this.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.