It has been said that a key part of someone being able to function at their best is for them to have fulfilling relationships. And, as they are an interdependent human being, this is not exactly a shock.
Taking this into account, it will be vital for one to have strong bonds with others if they want to be at their best. This doesn’t mean that they will need to have an army of people around them, though.
Quality over Quantity
Having a hand full of good people in their life is going to be far better than having dozens and dozens of people who they are not really close to. So by having a hand full of people in their life that they are close to, they will be far stronger than they would be otherwise.
These will be the type of people that they can be themselves around, with their being no need for them to put on an act. Additionally, there will be the support that these people give them.
These people are also likely to have the same experience, as one will also allow these people to be real and they will be supportive. If this didn’t take place, their relationships would be out of balance.
One would be receiving something that they are not repapered to give, and this would probably create resentment. Fortunately, they will realise how important it is for them to be the type of person who they want in their life.
Through having a strong support network, it should also be easier for them to handle a break up. All of their eggs won’t be in one basket, so to speak, making it easier for them to get back on their feet after.
If they are in a relationship, then, they won’t look towards their partner to fulfil all of their needs. There will be a number of other people that can be there for them, which will take a lot of pressure of their primary relationship.
Along with the time that one spends with others could be the time that they spend in their own company. Being able to enjoy their own company will also have a positive effect on their relationships.
The reason for this is that they won’t have to spend tine with someone in order to feel good or whole. If this wasn’t the case, it would be harder for them to walk away from a relationship that doesn’t serve them and they would expect a lot from others.
A Different Reality
However, while some people will have close bonds with others and feel comfortable experiencing life in this way, there will be others that don’t. For someone like this, keeping people at a distance will be what feels comfortable.
This doesn’t mean that they won’t ever let anyone get close to them; what it means is that they won’t let anyone get close for very long. Another person can then get close to them and out of nowhere; one will end up pulling away.
When this takes place, one could stop replying to another person’s messages and no longer answer their calls. Or if they do answer their messages, one could tell them that they are too busy to see them.
At one point one will have been warm and available and, at another, they will be cold and unavailable. The other person could wonder what they have done wrong, believing that they are the reason why one has pulled away.
The person who they have pulled away from can them feel rejected, causing them to feel down. If this person is carrying emotional wounds to do with being rejected and even abandoned, it could take them a while to recover.
But, although one could feel rejected and end up getting caught up in what is going on for them, there could be far more to it. The reason one rejected them could be because they themselves don’t want to be rejected.
An Unconscious Process
Without realising it, one could have pushed them away as a way to stop the other person from rejecting them. One would have believed that this was going to happen, so they made the first move.
Deep down, one can believe that there is something inherently wrong with them, which is why they don’t deserve to have people in their life that care about them. Through believing this, they will believe that another person would reject them as soon as they found out the truth about them.
What this may show is that their early years were a time when they were abused and/or neglected. How they were treated would have been seen as a sign of their value as opposed to a reflection of how wounded their caregiver/s were.
This is a natural consequence of being egocentric and not having the ability to reflect at this stage of their life. The messages that they picked up and the beliefs that they formed at this stage of their life would then have gone on to define how they saw themselves and others.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.