When one spends time with the people they are close to, they could generally have a positive effect on them; what this can show is that they are not interested in undermining them. Even so, this is not to say that one won’t be able to speak up if they have something to say that is not positive.
A Good Reason
But in this case, one is not going to have the need to cause harm; they will want to make someone’s life better. For example, one might notice something about them (or their life) that they are not aware of and, through telling them about it, it can end up improving their life.
Now, one could just overlook what they are aware of and not tell them anything, but this could cause them a number of problems as time passes. In the short-term, it might stop the other person from having to feel bad, yet in the long-term; they could end up paying the price.
Ultimately, one is going to have the desire to assist the other person, and sometimes this is going to cause pain. As the saying goes: ‘the truth hurts, but it will set you free’.
So as one generally comes across as someone who cares about them, there will be no reason for the other person to take it personally. After all, if one didn’t care about them there would be no reason for them to bring these kinds of things up.
This is due to the fact that putting another person down is not the only way to undermine them; it can also take place through telling them what they want to hear. When the former takes place, it won’t be hard to work out what is taking place.
Yet, when it comes to the latter, it is not going to be as easy to see what is going on. One could have someone in their life who only has good things to say to them, and this can cause them to believe that they have their best interests at heart.
This is going to cause them to have a position impression of them, and they will believe that this is someone who wants them to succeed in life. But if one was to take a step back, they might start to see this is someone who holds them back by making them feel good.
The other person might do everything they can to make themselves feel good, and through telling people what they want to hear (or what they think they want to hear) it can allow them to achieve this outcome. What this is going to show is that they are not putting ones needs first; they are putting their own needs first.
In addition to this, this is could show that they have a strong need to please other people, and this is going to make it hard for them to express their truth. If they were to do this, they could believe that it would cause them to be rejected and/or abandoned.
Therefore, if they were able to deal with what is taking place within them, it would allow them to express their truth. So if they needed to say something that one of their friends or family members might not want to hear, they wouldn’t hesitate to do so.
A Big Difference
However, when one has the tendency to put other people down, they are not going to worry about what will happen. If what they say has a negative effect on someone, it is likely to have a positive effect on them.
One could find that there are moments when what they say causes someone to retract and moments when they end up fighting back. If they do end up retracting, one could feel good about themselves, but if they end up hitting back, this could also give them a rush of energy.
And no matter where they are, one could feel the need to have a go at someone. If this doesn’t take place, it could show that one doesn’t feel safe enough to put someone down; in this case, they could do it behind their back.
So regardless of whether one is with their friends, family, or their partner (if they have one) there will generally be no reason for them to change their behaviour. Consequently, the people in their life are going to suffer in one way or another through being in their presence.
If one was asked why they behave in this way, they could make out that what they are doing is normal. This could then be a time when they will talk about a number of other people who behave in the same way.
Or, they could say that the people in their life are not very bright, for instance, and that they are trying to help them. It is then not going to be possible for them to see that they are behaving in a destructive manner.
A Closer Look
If one feels better after they have put someone down, it can show that they find it difficult to feel good about themselves. Said another way, the other way one can feel good is to put another person down.
What this shows is that one feel less-than others or they feel more-than others; there is no middle ground. In order for them to change their behaviour, they will need to be able to feel good without putting anyone down.
In The Beginning
When they were younger, they might not have received the kind of care that they need to develop in the right way. Perhaps this was a time when they were abused and/or neglected by their caregiver/s
This would have stopped them from being able to develop a strong sense of self and to feel good about themselves. Putting people down in their adult life can then be seen as a way for them to indirectly get their own back on the people who harmed them.
When one heals what is taking place within them, it will allow them to embrace their inherent value, and this will stop them from having the need to harm others. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.