It is going to be a lot better for someone’s wellbeing if they spend time around people who treat them well. This is then the same as how one is likely to feel better about themselves if they eat healthy food.
But while this is the case, it doesn’t mean that everyone spends time around people who treat them in this way. In the same way, there are plenty of people who eat food that isn’t good for them.
When one is used to spending time around people who treat with them well, they are not going to be undermined by them. They will be able to be themselves, and the people around them will also be able to behave in the same way.
One is then going to feel good in their presence, and they should have a similar experience even when their time together comes to an end. This means that when they have spent time with a friend, for instance, there is a strong chance that they will feel energised.
Having this person in their life is then going to make it more fulfilling than it would be if they didn’t know them. And it is unlikely to matter how long they have known them; what matters is the connection they have.
In addition to how one feels when they are with them and what takes place for them when their time together comes to an end, there will be the effect one has the other person. If one was to ask them about their experience, they may find that it is more or less the same.
A Select Few
There is the chance that one only has a few people like this is their life, and this is because these types of relationships will take time and energy. And as one only has so much time and energy, they are not going to be able to be this way with everyone.
Yet, if one does have a few people like this in their life, they won’t need to have a lot of friends who are like this. This is not to say that they won’t know lots of people; what it comes down to is that they are going to have the same kind of connection with these people.
A Big Difference
The people they are close to are going to know who they are, and they are likely to spend a certain amount of time around them. When it comes to the other people they know, they are less likely to have a deep connection with them, and they might not see them very often.
It could be said that it is the difference between a real friend and someone who one is ‘friends’ with on social media. The former relates to someone who one can count on; the latter relates to someone who is simply another person on their friends list.
A real friend is going to have a positive effect on their life; whereas a friend on social media might not have an effect on their life. When one is friends with someone online, it can cause them to believe that they know them.
In reality, they might have only met them once; or, they might not have seen them for a number of years. So in the same way that plastic food is not going to take care of one’s nutritional needs; most of their friends on social media are not going to fulfil their mental and emotional needs.
And when one spends time around the people they are close to, they are likely to find that their boundaries are respected. One is then going to feel comfortable enough to stand their ground, and to say ‘no’ when they need to.
There will then be no reason for them to put on an act and to go along to get along. Ultimately, one is going to value themselves, and if this wasn’t the case, their life would be very different.
So while there will be people who spend time around people who treat them well, there are going to be others who don’t. As a result of this, one is likely to be undermined by most of the people in their life.
This could mean that one is used to being verbally abused, and they may even have moments when they are physically abused. These people could put them down in subtle ways, or it might be more be more direct than this.
And instead of being able to stand their ground and to say ‘no’, one will be used to having people take advantage of them. When this happens, they might not even allow themselves to show how they feel.
Or there could be moments when they do speak up, but this could be the exception as opposed to the rule. Being around people like this is going to make it hard for one to feel good about themselves.
But even if one does get angry about what is taking place, they could find that being treated in this way is what feels comfortable. Therefore, although it is causing them to suffer, they are not going to do anything about it.
What this can show is that one feel worthless, and this is then why they tolerate this kind of behaviour. Through feeling so low, they can believe that they deserve to be treated badly by others.
One way of looking at this would be to say that spending time with these kinds of people has caused them to feel this way. Ergo, one has just happened to end up with people who are abusive.
Another way of looking at it would be to say that one already felt this way, and this is why they came into contact with these people. What this can show is that one’s childhood years were a time when they were treated in the same way.
Through being treated in this way, it would have ended up being what felt comfortable. These years were then a time when one was undermined by the people who were supposed to treat them with love and care.
If one can relate to this and they want to change their circumstances, they may need to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the chance to get in touch with what its taking place with them and to work through it.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.