When two people are in a relationship, they can continue to express who they are and to fulfil their own needs. As a result of this, their time together will have a positive effect on both of them.
There will be the effect that this has on their relationship, and there will be the effect that this has on other areas of their life. There will then be no need for them to feel trapped and as though they are being held back.
There will be the time that they spend together, along with the time that both of them spend away from each other. Said another way, they are both going to have their own life in addition to the life that they share with each other.
Neither of them is going to act as though they are simply an extension of the other, and this will show that they have good boundaries. Through having boundaries, they will be able to share who they are without losing themselves.
And as each of them has their own needs and feelings, this is going to allow them to express their true-self. Ultimately, they won’t be in a relationship because they no longer want to live their own life.
It is through maintaining their sense of self, that the relationship will have a positive effect on both of them. The reason for this is that one of them won’t have to ignore what is taking place within them and to completely focus on the other person.
One person is not going to see the other as someone who is there to save or rescue them; they will realise that they are both responsible for their own life. Being together will allow them to become aware of what they need to heal within themselves, and the experiences they have together will allow them to grow and develop.
If, on the other hand, this wasn’t the case, it would be a relationship that is there to serve a different purpose. One could feel like a child emotionally and, therefore, see the other person as a parental figure.
A Conscious Relationship
This would mean that one is not willing to face how they feel; they just want someone to take their pain away. Yet, when one is in a relationship that is there to serve a different purpose, this wont interest them.
They will realise that the only person who can deal with what is taking place within them is themselves. This will also stop them from expecting too much from the other person, thereby making it easier for their partner to be themselves.
When two people are in a relationship like this, it could be said that they will be free. One person is not going to neglect themselves just to be with the other person; this is not going to interest them.
But while there will be relationships out there that are similar to this, there are also going to be relationships out there that are based on control. In some cases, one person will be in control and the other person will be like a slave.
If one was to find themselves in a relationship like this, where they are being controlled, it could be the first time it has happened. Then again, it could be something that has happened on more than one occasion.
They could be with someone who tries to control just about every area of their life; it could seem as though they need their permission in order to do anything. But even though this is going to stop them from being able to express themselves, it doesn’t mean that they will walk away.
Not only could they find it hard to understand why this is, but the people around them could also find it odd. That is, of course, if one doesn’t see themselves as a victim and believes that their partner has all the control.
If they do have this outlook, there is going to be no reason for them to wonder why they don’t walk away – this won’t be something that even crosses their mind. What could become clear, if one was to think about what would happen if they were to leave, is that it would be even more painful.
The Lesser Of Two Evils
Being with this person will cause them to suffer, but they could believe that this is not as bad as it would be if they walked away. What this may show is that one finds it hard to handle their own emotions.
Putting up with someone who is so controlling can then be a way for them to stop themselves from being overwhelmed. Thus, the reason they need to be with someone who is so controlling is due to the fact that their emotions are so out of control.
This is then comparable to how an unstable building will need external support to stay in place. Without this understanding, it would be easy to say that someone like this is just a victim and there is truly nothing that they can do.
On the surface, it will be clear that this is not having a positive effect on them, but at a deeper level, it will serve a purpose. One will then have traded their freedom for security, with freedom being something that is too painful for them to handle.
What this is likely to show is that one is carrying trauma, and this could be the result of what happened to them when they were younger. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.