When a relationship starts, there is the chance that one will experience a lot of pleasure, and then as time passes, this could change. This is not to say that this will go from being a something that has a positive effect on their life, to something that has a negative effect.
What this comes down to is that relationships change, and this is simply part of life. For one thing, the early stages are usually a time where each person will put their best foot forward, so to speak.
So as the days, weeks and months go by, for instance, there is naturally going to be a shift in what takes place. During this time, one might change their behaviour or this could be something that the other person does, or both of them could do this.
On one hand, it might be possible for everything to carry on as it has been, and on the other hand, this might not be an option. When it comes to the former, it could be a sign that they are able to embrace what has occurred; whereas if this is not the case, it could be a sign that they are unable to do this.
If the other was to change, one might find that they are not willing to put up with what is taking place. This doesn’t mean that the other is willing to accept this though, as they may act as though there is no reason for them to be this way.
For example, when they first got together the other may have been easy going and then as time has gone on, they may have become domineering. It could then be said that there will be no reason for one to put up with this kind of behaviour.
The other person will either need to change their behaviour or it might be necessary for one to walk away. Ultimately, this is not going to be something that one can overlook and so something needs to change.
But while one may give them the chance to take this step, this doesn’t mean that they will wait around forever. As if they were to stand their ground and then to simply put with their behaviour, they will be sending the wrong message.
When it is not this extreme and they can carry on as normal, it could be because they are experiencing conflict. For example, one could say or do something and the other could disagree or have a problem with what is taking place; and this could apply to their outlook on life, how available they are or how they spend their money.
Through taking the time to talk about what is taking place, it will give them the chance to gain a better understanding of each other and to experience a deeper connection But with these examples aside, it is to be expected that one will feel different in a relationship as time passes.
But while the amount of pleasure that they experience might go down; what should replace this is the fulfilment that it brings them. Now, it could be said that this is the same thing, or that there is no need for one to replace the other.
However, what it comes down to is that when one becomes familiar with another person, they can start to see them differently. And while this can take away some of the pleasure they experienced in the beginning, what it can lead to is a deeper level of fulfilment.
In this sense, it can be seen as the next stage and what happens when a relationship develops. There will still be pleasure, of course, but it will also be built on a foundation of fulfilment.
Yet although a relationship can bring a lot to one’s life, it is also something that can take a lot away if it was to come to an end. It might not matter whether they have been with someone for a matter of months or years, as the experience could be the same.
And even though they could experience more pain if they had a close connection with them, this is not always going to be the case. One could have been with someone that they didn’t get on with, for one reason or another, and still end up experiencing a lot of pain.
If they did have a fulfilling relationship, it can be easier for them to understand why they feel the way they do. But regardless of whether this is the case; they can end up being in a bad way.
During this time, one could feel powerless and as though they are have no control over their life. They could also be overwhelmed with grief and lose the will to live, and this can then mean they will feel depressed and suicidal.
There could also be the feeling of being rejected and abandoned, and one may also experience fear and anxiety. To have this experience will be a lot to handle, but to only experience a few of these things is not going to be easy.
What’s going on?
One way of looking at this would be to say that one feels this way because their relationship has just come to an end. As they feel this way, it could be taken as a sign that they are meant to be with the other person, or that it shows how much they love them, of instance.
Another way of looking at this would be to say that the end of the relationship has triggered pain from their childhood that hasn’t been processed. The years have passed but the pain has stayed trapped in their body.
If one was able to get in touch with what took place during their childhood, they may begin to see that their current emotional experience matches up with how they felt as a child. This could mean that one experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect when they were growing up.
There are at least two options here: either one avoids how they feel or they face how they feel. Finding someone or something can allow one to avoid what is taking place in their body and reaching out for support can allow them to face it.
This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.