Relationships: Can The Fear Of Abandonment Cause Someone To Believe That Their Partner Will Leave Them?
When one starts a new relationship, there is no guarantee that it will last for a certain amount of time. It could last for a few months, a few years, or it could come to an end when their life comes to an end.
Now, this is not to say that this is something that is completely out of their hands, as it is not this black and white. What it comes down to is that this is not something that is completely in their hands.
There are things they can do that will have a positive effect on the relationship, but they can’t control the other person. Thus, if the other person no longer wants to be with them, there is not going to be a lot that they can do.
If, on the other hand, they were physically separate but they were the same person mentally and emotionally, it would be different. Their needs and wants would be the same and there would then be no reason for their relationship to come to an end.
Yet as they are two people, there is as strong chance that their needs and wants will change as time goes by. In the beginning of their relationship, they are likely to have a lot in common.
Part of Life
So while there would have been a number of differences, they would have had enough in common in order to go to the next stage. And then as time goes by, they may find that this stays the same.
However, what they could also find is that the other person starts to become someone else. This could then cause one to wonder if they have been putting on an act up until this point, and they could end up feeling as though they have been betrayed.
There is, of course, the possibility that their partner did put on an act, but this might not be the case. Instead, they might just have changed, and this is not going to be something that they can avoid.
After all, change is part of life, and if they were to hold themselves back they would be putting on an act. At the same time, both of them could change and this could allow them to grow and develop together.
The years will go buy but this it won’t cause them to grow apart; this could be seen as what happens when two people are ‘meant to be together’. It is then not just how they look or what they have in common, for instance, that keeps them together.
Something deeper brought them into each other’s reality, and this is what keeps them together. This still doesn’t mean that their relationship will last until their time their time on this earth comes to an end, though.
Embracing the Moment
What this shows is how important it is for one to live in the now, and not to get too caught up in what may or may not happen in the future. If they get too caught up in what could happen, it not going to be possible for them to enjoy what is happening.
This is going to be far more fulfilling than if they were to leave the present moment and to think about what might happen as time goes by. It might then be better for them to be by themselves; they won’t need to worry then.
A Common Fear
If one was unable to embrace the moment, they may find that is because they fear that their partner will leave them. This is then going to be something that will consume their mind, and this will make it difficult for them to relax.
One could also look back on the relationships that they have had in the past and see that they have been like this for as long as they can remember. They may even find that this has caused them to push a number of people away.
At the same time, if one is unable to take a step back and to see the effect that this is having on their life, it is going to a challenge for them to do anything about it. They could have the tendency to accuse the person they are with of cheating on them, for instance.
It is then not going to matter if their partner is faithful, as they won’t be able to face reality. Their partner could end up feeling overwhelmed by the amount of attention and reassurance that they need.
If they were able to step back from what is taking place and to look into what is taking place within them, they may find that they have a fear of being abandoned. One way of looking at this would be to say that one needs to change what they believe.
Through changing what they believe, it will allow them to feel different and to behave differently. Another way of looking at it would be to say that one is carrying trauma, and this is what needs to be dealt with.
A Deeper Look
What this is likely to show is that one was abandoned during their early years, and this is why they are experiencing life in this way. One is then not only going to have a fear of being abandoned, they will also carry the pain of being abandoned.
And through being abandoned by the people who were supposed to look after them, one can also feel worthless. One would have come to believe that the reason they were abandoned is because they are inherently flawed.
This is not the truth, but one will probably need to deal their negative beliefs and the pain that is with them to realise this. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.