Even though one can behave in a certain way when they start dating someone, they can end up behaving in a completely different way as time goes by. Therefore, although they are still the same person, it will be as if they have become someone else.
When something like this takes place, there is a strong chance that one won’t even realise what has happened. It could then be said that one will have lost touch with their true-self.
As a result of this, they will be focused on what they can do to please the other person. This can then be a way for them to make sure that the other person doesn’t leave them.
Alternatively, one could become aware of what has taken place, but that doesn’t mean they will do anything about it. They could believe that this is the right thing for them to do, and this could be backed up by how the other person is responding.
There is the chance that this is having a positive effect, which will stop one from going back to how they were before. Yet, even though their partner might be giving them positive feedback, it doesn’t mean that every part of them will be on board with this.
After a while, they could end up losing interest in them, and this will probably cause them to pull away. Then again, they could start to lose interest more or less straight away.
They might find it hard to understand why one has changed so much, which could cause them to reflect on their own behaviour. If they were to do this, they might see that they haven’t actually changed.
One Step Back
Conversely, this person could end up losing interest in them and, soon after, they could end the relationship. They will have listened to their feelings, and this can mean that they didn’t take the time to reflect on what has taken place.
Perhaps this person can’t be bothered to do this, or maybe they are not the kind of person to reflect on why things happen. Understanding why things happen is not going to interest them; feeling better is going to be what matters.
The Other Side
If their partner was to lose interest and ended up walking away, one could end up feeling as though they have been let down. It will then be as if they haven’t played a part in what has occurred.
One could end up feeling angry or upset, or both and it could take a while for them to get back on their feet, so to speak. This might not be the first time something like this has happened either.
If one hasn’t been in this situation before, they could come to the conclusion they are just unlucky. So, the next time they meet someone it will be different, and their friends could also say the same thing.
At the same time, this could be something that one has experienced on more than one occasion. And while this could cause them to look within, they might just believe that this is an area of their life that is out of their control.
The Common Denominator
If they were to believe this, it might make it easier for them to handle what is taking place - what it won’t do is allow them to change their life. Ultimately, they are the person who keeps showing up.
It might be hard for them to accept this, yet the alternative is for them to continue to experience life in this way. This will stop them from being able to have a fulfilling relationship, and they might be at a stage in their life when they can no longer afford to carry on in the same way.
Taking a Step Back
One could think about what their behaviour is like during the early stages, and then they can think about what it is like as time goes by. Through doing this, may begin to see how they gradually become someone else.
What they could then do is to put themselves in another person’s shoes, and to think about how they would feel if the same thing happened to them. They might see that it wouldn’t be long until they were no longer attracted to them.
Their need to please others will be what undermines the relationships and until this is no longer the case, they will continue experience life in the same way. One could then look into what they believe will happen if this doesn’t take place.
This could be a time when one will come to see that they believe that they will be rejected if they were to change their behaviour. The irony is that this is exactly what is taking, and this is why this is not something that can be avoided.
However, even though rejection is part of life, it doesn’t mean that ones life has to be defined by it. When the fear of rejection stops someone from being able to be themselves, it can show that they are carrying trauma.
During their early years, they may have experienced a lot of rejection, and this would have caused them to experience a lot of pain. Pleasing others will then be a way for them to make sure that the pain within them doesn’t end up being triggered.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.