While the ideal might be to have relationships that are always harmonious and are free from pain, during and even when they come to an end, this is not how life works. All relationships have some kind of conflict and if they don’t, there is probably a lot of repression taking place.
And what will cause some of the conflict, will be each person’s history that arises and this will naturally vary. Some people will have a lot of emotional baggage and others won’t have quiet so much.
Human beings are not meant to be perfect and so having ‘issues’ is nothing to be ashamed off. With it often being more about what one does with what has happened to them, as opposed to what has happened.
However, although everyone does experience pain in their relationships, not everyone is going to have the same degree of pain. Of course, it is not really possible to directly match one persons experience with another.
The main way to see the difference is how people behave not only in their relationships but also when they experience an end to them.
One way of looking at this pain is to think of it is terms of emotional intensity. If someone is emotional cut off and numb or out of touch with their emotions for one reason or another, then they are unlikely to feel anything.
So with this aside, there is going to be a certain degree of emotional expression taking place for someone who can feel. When one is with another person, it is inevitable that certain emotions will arise. These could be: rejection, abandonment, betrayal, jealousy, anger, powerlessness, guilt and shame amongst others.
This emotional experience could also appear when ones relationships come to an end; with it being even stronger than when they were with the other person.
On one side will be the people who can feel some or even all of the emotions above and more from time to time and be able to maintain a fairly stable relationship. There will be conflict and it won’t always be perfect, but there is unlikely to be drama.
And when their relationships end, there is again going to be emotions that are felt. How long the relationships lasted can define how strong one will feel them and yet it could be a shorter one that made an impact.
Soon after, they will return to feeling emotionally stable or might even leave before things got too bad. This allows them to avoid a lot of the emotional damage that would have been done if they had held on for longer.
The Other Side
For others, relationships will be highly charged experiences. They could end up feeling every emotion on the spectrum. And while this may mean that they feel good from time to time, it is also going to mean that when they feel the ‘negative’ emotions, they will end up being right down.
This could cause them to come to the conclusion that relationships are not worth the effort and the best thing one could do it to avoid them. The same outlook could also appear when one experiences the end of a relationship.
It is not something that just causes one to feel a minor sense of loss and sadness and for a short time; it could last for many, many months and make them wonder if life is worth living. And if one was with someone for a long time or is their partner passes on, then this outlook is going to be expected.
When one experiences this as a way of life and/or even when a relationship has not even lasted that long, it is going to cause a lot of suffering in one’s life. To have them could be too painful and to avoid them could be no better.
Now, though seeing the differences in how some people experience more pain during their relationships and when they come to an end than others, it would be normal to come to certain conclusions. One common reason would be to say that some people are luckier than others and are very fortunate in life.
Or that some people choose the right people and others chose the wrong people. And to look at this from a certain perspective would mean that these are valid answers. But while they might sound like they fit, they won’t lead to change or allow someone to feel empowered.
One of the reasons why someone can experience the emotional pain that they do in their relationships is because they have trapped emotions in their body. Although these emotions are trapped and one’s mind can be cut off from them, they are still having an effect.
They will define who one is attracted to and attracts and they will then cause one to co create situations that will allow them to appear. The challenge is that while they do want to come out and be released, they can just end up making someone feel overwhelmed and victimised.
And instead of them seeing that they are a part of what is happening; one can end up believing that other people are making them feel as they do. If one is not aware of what is going on inside, they will not see how what is going on outside is a reflection of how they feel on the inside.
This is why one can end up having relationships with different people and yet have the same emotional experience again and again. These emotions will cause one to create relational patterns that mirror how they feel.
One may have trapped emotions due to what has happened in their adult years and these can also go back to their childhood. The mind can be cut off from them, but the body doesn’t forget.
So in order for one to change how they feel in their relationships and even when they end, they will need to release the trapped emotions from their body. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.