It is often said that when one door closes, another door opens, and what this shows is that the end of one thing can be the beginning of another. However, in order for someone to walk through a new door, they will need to walk away from the old door.
Yet, even though the old door has closed, it doesn’t mean that one is able to walk through the new door. Instead, they might end up staying by the old door (even though it has closed), and do everything they can to avoid the new door that has been opened.
And if they haven’t stepped away from the old door, they might not even realise that a new door has opened. In this case, they are not going to be focused on the here and now; they are going to be consumed by what has happened.
It is not possible for someone to be present if they are stuck in the past, and this is going to stop them from being able to embrace the opportunities that are available. This is not to say that someone should force themselves to be present; as this will show that one is not working with themselves.
What is causing someone to be caught up in the past is not just something they need to ignore; it is something they need to listen to. Just like a child that calls out for their parent - the part of oneself, which is caught up in the past, is also calling out to be heard.
If the child is rejected, and this is something that takes place on a regular basis, there is a strong chance that they will end up with all kinds’ problems. The same is going to apply when someone rejects those parts of themselves that are trying to communicate with them.
It might be possible for them to ignore what they are hearing in the short-term, without too many problems arising, but as time passes, this is not going to be the case. In the words of Carl Jung - the unfaced and unfelt parts of our psyche are the source of all our neurosis and suffering.
When something comes to an end, one might be only too aware of how they feel, and then as time passes, they might end up being disconnected from how they feel. If they end up being cut-off, it is likely to be because they couldn’t handle the pain.
They are unlikely to have been focused on what will happen in the long-term if they were to avoid their feelings. And if they were feeling overwhelmed, and they didn’t believe that they could handle the pain, it is going to be normal for them to suppress their feelings.
The Only Option
The option they choose was the only one that was available to them, and the people around them might have encouraged them to avoid their feelings. They could tell them that they need to move on, and that there is no point in being stuck in the past.
There is also the chance that one has the need to look strong, and doesn’t believe that other people will accept them if they come across as being vulnerable. Regardless of why one feels the need to hide how they feel, it is not going to be possible for them to embrace their emotional experience.
When a relationship comes to an end, it could be said that one door has closed, and that another door will soon open. One approach would be for someone to start a new relationship as a way to feel better.
Another approach would be for someone to face the loss and to allow themselves to grieve. This doesn’t mean they won’t start another relationship; what it means is that they will take their time.
Through grieving the loss, one will be doing what they need to do to prepare for the next relationship that they have. They could find someone else to distract them from how they feel, but they are taking a more conscious approach.
And because they are facing how they feel, they will be doing what they need to do in order to be emotionally available for the next person they meet. This will make it possible for them to share not only their mind and body; it will also allow them to share their heart.
However, although someone can end up being drawn to someone else to avoid how they feel or work through their pain, they can also end up retracting. In this case, they will avoid starting another relationship as a way to stop themselves from having to face the excruciating sense of loss that is within them.
This is not to say that one will do this consciously; as it could be something that just happens. On one side, it will stop them from being able to let someone in, but on the other, it will stop them from having to face how they feel.
Two Types of Pain
While not letting people in is going to create pain, it is going to be seen as something that pales in comparison to the pain they would experience if they were to grieve and to gradually let people into their life. This type of pain can end up lasting forever, whereas, if one was to grieve, there would come a time where it would end.
If one used to let people in and then they cut them off after a relationship came to an end, they will know what it is like to let people in, but this might be something they have experienced for most of their life. As a result of this, they might not know what it is like to let people in.
In order for one to open themselves up, it is going to be important for them to get in touch with how they feel, and to cry out the pain that is within them. If one is out of touch with how they feel or if they don’t feel comfortable facing how they feel, they might need the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.