Throughout one’s life, they are naturally going to meet people they feel close to and people they don’t. And the people who they don’t feel close to are going to be in the majority. Special connections are going to be rare and this is because one won’t meet people like this all of the time.
Another obstacle is that that these kinds of relationships take time and energy and one only has so much time and energy available. So these relationships will have to be consistently nurtured or else this special connection could end up disappearing.
And what was at first a special connection and allowed one to feel as though they really knew the other person could end up being the complete opposite. The other person may end up being seen as a stranger, if enough time has passed or if one has gone through a certain amount of change.
However, one when does have a connection with another human being, they are going to feel close to them. And as they feel close to them, they are to feel as though they know them.
This is of course a vital part of a relationship, having the sense of knowing another causes one to feel safe and therefore comfortable. When one doesn’t know another, there is likely to be discomfort.
One of the biggest differences between a stranger and someone who one has a relationship with is the level of comfort that is experienced. There is clearly more to a relationship than just feeling safe with another and yet this is an important part.
One And The Same
So along with feeling safe in this person’s presence is going to be the experience of being validated by the other and of one validating the other. Each person will feel that the other person gets them and that they are on the ‘same page’ so to speak.
Through this mirroring taking place, two people’s experiences can end up becoming one experience. With the sense of separation that one experiences with most people being put aside and the feeling of being one arising.
And with this experience of what could be described as a symbiosis, will be creation of something that is deep and profound. It won’t matter what gender these people are or where they are from for instance, as the connection they feel will overshadow any of these insignificant differences.
Like A Baby
This whole experience will be similar to what is feels like for a baby who has an attuned caregiver. Here, the baby feels at home and at ease with its mother. And this is how one will feel with the other person. They are not simply speaking the same language, they are the same language.
But even though the baby feels as though they are one, this is just an illusion. This illusion is vital though, as it allows the baby to feel a sense of power and that it will get its needs and wants met. As an adult, this illusion is created once more; what is different is what one wants and needs from the other person.
So just like the baby, one doesn’t feel as though they are alone through being with this person. But while this is how one feels, they are still two separate human beings. And beyond the illusion of oneness or of their being one reality; they are each having their own experience of each other.
For example, two people can have gone through a similar experience or experiences in life and this enables them to empathise with one another. But while empathy can create the experience of one person knowing exactly what another has been through, it is the result of what they have been through themselves.
It is not the same and neither can one truly know what the other person has gone through. It doesn’t completely march, but it’s the closest someone can get to another person’s experience.
So being acknowledged, mirrored and validated by another, will cause one to come to the conclusion that they know who the other person is. And this will be a combination of the kinds of things they say, what they are into and how they behave.
This can create the experience of certainty and one can end up seeing the other person as having a fixed identity. And although this may appear to be the truth about the other person, it is still just a role that they are playing and one that could change at any moment.
Once one has an identity about who they are and who they are not, this could stay with them for a very long time and even for their whole life. And because they have kept the same identify, it can create the illusion of it being who they are.
This can change when one goes travelling for a long time and comes back transformed. Or when one experiences a big loss and through such a shakeup happening they start to see themselves differently.
Inner And The Outer
What is going on inside this person has changed and so what they do on the outside is therefore going to follow suit. Other people could then wonder what’s happened to them and might think that they are putting on an act.
And at first, the person who has changed might wonder who they are and if they are putting on an act. But what it comes down to is that no matter who one is or who they are not, they are always acting a part or playing a role.
One role might be more familiar than the other to certain people and to oneself, but that doesn’t mean that it is any more legitimate than another. Physically one can’t change, unless they use surgery, and yet how they see themselves and how they behave can always change.
The main thing is that one is true to themselves and doesn’t feel that they have to be a certain way. This might displease others and that is to be expected, especially if one has acted a certain way for so long.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.