Relationships: Do Actions Speak Louder Than Words?

It is often said that ‘Actions speak louder than words’ and while this saying has been around for a very long time, it doesn’t mean that this advice is always followed. At times, it can be difficult to pay attention to anything but the words that are being spoken. 

When this happens, what someone says is all important and their actions then become ignored or even irrelevant. And at this point, another person could say whatever they wanted and it would be believed.

On one side this could be somewhat frustrating and on the other it could lead to all kinds of pain and suffering. It will all depend on where this mismatch is occurring and what it relates to.

The Onlooker

But while one can end up being taken for a ride by someone as a result of believing what they say and not paying attention to what they do; other people can often see what is taking place.

This can be a trusted friend, family member or a colleague and to them, it is obvious what is going on. They may be able to see it clearly and yet that doesn’t mean that one will pay attention to their input and come to the same conclusion.

One factor can be how emotionally attached one has become to the other person. And the stronger this connection is, the harder it can be to see things in a balanced way.

Emotional Attachment

For if human beings were robots and had no feelings or emotions our vision would rarely be clouded. And while some people might see this as being a good way to function, it would be a very dull existence to say the least.

When some kind of emotional attachment has been formed, logical, rational thought and intuition often give way. So another’s actions can begin to fade and theirs words become all important and meaningful.

An Idea

The mind will have become attached to an idea and this idea will lead to one feeling a certain way. So to let go of this idea, even though it may not reflect reality, can lead to one experiencing pain.

And any evidence that goes against this idea will often be filtered out in some way. Perhaps one will ignore or dismiss anything that proves that what another person is saying is somewhat inaccurate or completely false.

Self Delusion

And once this process has gone on for long enough, one may no longer be able to see reality; all they will be able to see is what their mind allows them to see. This could result in one letting someone off for something small and insignificant and the consequences might then be able to be forgotten about without too much trouble being caused. 

Or the stakes could be a lot higher and this could mean that the consequences won’t be able to be overlooked and will therefore have a greater impact on one’s life.

An Example

The key areas here are going to be with ones partner, family, friends and colleagues. For example, one could go shopping and ask about when a certain type of ice cream was going to be available and be told how it would be next week. When the following week arrived and they were told the same story, one could believe what is being said.

To believe what is being said and ignoring what is actually taking place in this instance, is unlikely to lead to too many problems. However, if one was to believe their partner when they say they are not cheating, while it is clear that they are; the consequences are going to be far worse.

Another common example is when one person in a relationship says they love or appreciate the other and yet they are often too busy to meet or rarely make any effort.

Short Tern Relief

In the short term it may lead to less pain and to some kind of pleasure being experienced. But in the long run, there is inevitably going to come a time when what is actually going on has to be faced.

When this emotional attachment takes place, it can be hard to function and see as one usually would. And so while one can judge or blame themselves for allowing another person to lie or take advantage of them, this could happen to anyone in their position.

Awareness

If one has become so attached to someone that they find it hard to see clearly, it would be a good idea to seek the advice of other people. Here, another person can supply a balanced view when one is unable to do so.

One could also write down on one side of a piece of paper what someone has said and on the other what they have actually done and see how these two match up. This will enable one to bring clarity into the situation.

Another option would be to seek the assistance of a therapist or healer and face the feelings that one is trying to avoid by believing another’s words and not their actions. As this takes place, one will gradually be able to face reality.

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Oliver J R Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/