If one was asked to think about a time in their life where they have been hurt by someone, there is a strong chance that it won’t be long until someone comes to mind. And while this might cause them to think about a certain event; they might think about a number of things that took place.
The Type of Relationship
The person who enters their mind could be a member of their family, an old friend, or someone they used to be in an intimate relationship with, for instance. It might also be someone who wasn’t part of their life, and when this happens, it might be easier for them to handle what took place.
One reason for this is that when someone is part of one’s life, they might not expect them to hurt them. Whereas when it comes to a ‘stranger’, they might not have the same expectation.
However, as one often spends more time with people they know than the people they don’t know, it could be said that there is more chance of them having a number of different experiences with them. Nevertheless, this is not to say that one should put up with people who hurt them.
It also comes down to the fact that one is likely to open themselves up to the people they are close to, and the more one shares with someone, the more vulnerable they are. Through letting them in closer, it gives them chance to cause them more pain.
In The Past
But while one may think about something that took place quite some time ago, they might also think about something that has only just happened. On one side, it could be said that this is nothing to be concerned about, and on the other, it could be a sign that one is in a relationships that is not healthy.
It can all depend on what has taken place, and this shows that this is not black and white. For instance, just because someone feels hurt, it doesn’t mean that the other has done anything to hurt them.
On one hand, there is what happens, and on the other hand, there is how one interprets what happens. This is not to say that everything comes down to interpretation though.
For example, if one is hit by their partner, it is going to be clear that no interpretation is needed. The same could be said when a child is neglected or abused in some way.
When one feels hurt because of how they have interpreted something, it could be a sign that something within them has been triggered. As a result of this, it is not going to be possible for them to stay present.
Overtime, they might be able to settle down and to realise what has taken place, but then again, this might not happen. In this case, it could cause the whole dynamic of their relationship to change, or it might soon come to an end.
If one has a fear of being abandoned and their partner is late or cancels a day out, it could cause them to experience extreme pain. How they feel will define their experience of life, and they can come to believe that their partner wanted to harm them.
In reality, it could be that something came up and it wasn’t possible for them to be on time or to make it. However, as one can’t think clearly, it won’t matter what the other person’s intention was.
A Regular Occurrence
When one is in a relationship where they are hurt on a regular basis and this doesn’t relate to their interpretations, they might wonder why this is happening. The other person may also tell them that they love them, and this is going to make it even more confusing.
Or if one is bullied when they go to work, school or college, for instance, it is going to have a big impact on their life. One environment can then end up destroying their well-being, and they might think about what they have done to deserve this kind of treatment.
When one is hurt by someone, it is going to be easy for them to come to the conclusion that it is personal. For instance, if one is hurt by someone they are close to, it is to be expected that they will believe that the other person wanted to cause them harm.
However, even though this can appear to be the case, it would be more accurate to say that it is never personal. Human beings often see themselves as the centre of the universe, and as a result of this, it can cause them to take everything to heart.
Everyone on this planet is having their own personal experience, and this means that although it can appear as though we see with our eyes, this is not the complete truth. It would be more accurate to say that we see with our mind, and therefore, a big part of what we experience is the result of our own projections.
So when one hurts another, it can be because the other person reminds them of something they are not willing to face within themselves. But due to a lack or boundaries and the inability to own their own reality, they can believe that the other person is the problem.
And the reason one can come into contact with someone like this, can be because they are also out of touch with their own pain. For example, if one feels worthless and as though they don’t deserve to be treated well, there is a strong chance that they will gravitate to people who mirror how they feel.
Therefore, they can feel like a victim and allow this to become their identity, or they can work through their own pain. And as they begin to realise their own value, they are no longer going to be drawn to the same people.
So whether one is hurt by someone in their life or a ‘stranger’, it is never personal; it is simply a reflection of where the other person is at. If one has a tendency to interpret other people’s behaviour in the wrong way or to attract people who hurt them in a similar way, it might be important for them to reach out for support.
Once they work through what is taking place within them, they may find that they no longer interpret things in the same way or attract the same types of people. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.