While some people are there for others from time to time, there are others who are practically always there for them. When one can relate to the former, they are going to have moments when they are able to take care of their own needs.
However, when one can relate to the latter, they are not going to have much time to take care of their own needs. As a result of this, it could be said that they will be neglecting themselves.
The Right Thing
Still, although this will be the case, it doesn’t mean that one will come to the conclusion that they are doing anything wrong. In their eyes, this is likely to be seen as the right approach for them to take.
It is then got going to be enough for one to be there for others when they are not there for themselves; they will always need to be available. Based on this, one’s needs are secondary and other people’s needs are primary.
Having said that, one might believe that they don’t have needs, or they could say that their purpose is to be there for others. Either way, they will spend more time taking care of others, and this is likely to mean that other people will give them positive feedback
This will come from the people they help and from the people who are aware of how they live their life. The kind of responses they receive from others will validate what they are doing, and allow them to believe that they are on the right track.
It could be said that the reason one will receive this kind of feedback is because of the outlook that people often have towards their own needs. Instead of seeing them as part of being human, they are often seen as something to be ashamed of.
How individuals view their own needs then has an effect on how society views them, and how society views then effect how individuals see them. Therefore, this is a two-way process, and as it is human nature to follow others, it is not going to be a surprise if one’s outlook is defined by other people.
So, when one generally overlooks their own needs and focuses on the needs of others, it is typically going to be seen as something positive. And if one believes that they don’t have needs and the people around them support what they are doing, then there is going to be no reason for them to change.
Ultimately, one is going to see themselves as some kind of saviour, and other people could see them as some kind of superhero. It could then be said that one is not going to go short when it comes to receiving approval.
But if one was asked about whether they only help others in order to be approved of, they are likely to dismiss it. In fact, they would find it offensive, and say that they don’t get anything from it.
Thus, as far as they are concerned (as well as the people round them), they do want they do to help others. This is then something that is black and white, and there is nothing more to it.
Through experiencing life in this way, it will be normal for them to be drawn to people who find it hard to handle life. Their friends and lovers could be more like their children, and this is going to mean that their relationships are likely to be out of balance.
There could be moments when these people wonder what they would do without their help, and moments when they feel as though they are unable to live their own life. So although they will appreciate their help, they are also going to feel restricted by it.
Therefore, these people could find that they are only able to get so far with their help, and this is going to stop them from being able to grow and develop. This is then going to be similar to one being in a position where they are in quick sand, and instead of someone pulling them out, they simply stop them from sinking.
Due to this, they are going to need the other person to stay around, and they won’t be able to get back on dry land. If one was to grow and develop, the other person could soon walk away, or they might start to cause them problems.
Why Is This?
What this comes down to is that one doesn’t want the relationship to change; they want it to keep going in the same direction. The reason for this is that one only knows who they are when they are rescuing others, and so if this changes, it will cause them to experience discomfort.
If they were unable to rescue others, there is a strong chance that they would end up feeling worthless. Through acting as though they have it all together and that they don’t have needs, it allows them to feel good about themselves.
The Same Dynamic
It is then going to be important for them to be around people who need their help, and if this was to change, they wouldn’t know how to behave. So although part of them might want to show other people how to fish, so to speak, another part only wants to give them fish.
At one point in their life, they were probably conditioned to believe that their value is based on what they do as opposed to who they are. This then set them up to be a human doing instead of a human being.
During the beginning of their life, there is a strong chance that they had to take care of their caregivers needs. Their needs would have been neglected, and this would have caused them to develop a false-self.
If they did want other people wanted, they would have been approved of, and if they didn’t, they would have been rejected and/or abandoned. Focusing on other people’s needs would then have been a way for them to survive on one hand, and a way for them to feel good on the other.
If one can relate to this and they want to get in touch with their true-self, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist. This will then allow them to realise that their value is not based on what they do for others.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
To book your free 15-minute consultation, click here.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.