While someone can have moments where they take care of their own needs and the needs of others, they can also experience life differently. What this means, is that they can be in a position where they only focus on their own needs or on other people’s needs.
Life is about give and take and so if one only operates from one side of the spectrum, they are going to be out of balance. But if one has experienced life in this way for quiet some time, they might not even realise this.
It could just be how life is and there is then going to be no reason for them to do anything about it. This is not to say that one will be pleased with how their life is; what it means is that it will be what is normal.
If one only thinks about themselves, they are going to end up having people around them who are also out of balance. This could be because they have people in their life who ignore their own needs and focus on other people’s needs.
One is then going to be getting more than they give and the people around them are going to be giving more than they get. Based on how they are experiencing life, they might believe that there is no reason for them to change.
They could believe that their needs are more important than other people’s needs, and it is then not going to be possible for them realise that they are out of balance. Through behaving in this way, it could mean that one doesn’t have any close friends, and the relationship they do have might not last for very long.
It might be hard for someone to see why anyone would be drawn to them to begin with, and this is not much of a surprise. The reason why people are drawn to them is because their behaviour is likely to be different in the beginning.
One way of looking at this would be to say that they know how to draw people in and once they are in, they can reveal their true colours. Through having the ability to draw people in, it may be relatively easy for them to attract the opposite gender into their life.
Therefore, whoever ends up falling for their charm is likely to wonder how they could be so naive. Yet even though they may want to walk away from them, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to.
On one hand, they could be only too aware of how unhealthy the other person is, and that it would be in their best interest to walk way. And on the other hand, they may feel the need to stay with them.
If one is in this position or has a pattern of attracting people who are only concerned with their own needs, it would be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This could mean that their needs were overlooked during their childhood years, and this would have set them up to feel ashamed of their needs.
When one experiences life in this way, it could be said that they don’t realise what someone is like in the beginning. They expect them to stay the same and when this doesn’t happen, they end up feeling let down.
Alternatively, one could be in a position where they are attracted to people who are suffering in one way of another. They are not going to end up being deceived and this is because the other person is not putting on an act.
The people they are attracted to are likely to come across as incapable and one is likely to come across as capable. Therefore, even though one will end up putting other people needs first and ignoring their own; it’s not as if they are being taken advantage of.
Ultimately, they are aware of what they are getting themselves into and if they were to feel like a victim, it would show that they lack self-awareness. Still, it might be normal for them to feel angry and as though other people take advantage of their ‘good nature’.
When someone puts their needs to one side and focuses on other people’s needs, it would be easy to say that they are selfless. It is then not that they are ignoring their own needs; it is that they don’t have any.
But although one can look as though they are needless, this is likely to be a sign that they don’t feel comfortable with their own needs. If they didn’t overlook their own needs, this wouldn’t be the case.
If one was to take a step back and look into why they ignore their own needs, they may come to see that they don’t feel comfortable with them. Rescuing others is then an indirect way for them to get their needs met.
So although they want to get their needs met, this is not something that they feel comfortable with. This then causes them to experience inner conflict, and until this conflict is resolved, it is going to be a challenge for them to get their needs met.
A Deeper Look
The reason why they experience inner conflict when it comes to their needs is likely to be due to what took place during their childhood years. This may have been a time where they had to focus on their caregivers needs, and this would have meant that their developmental needs were overlooked.
Having needs would have been something for them to be ashamed off and if they showed them, they may have been neglected and/or abused. The only hope they had of getting their needs met may have been to please the people around them.
If one can relate to this and they want to move forward, it will be important for them to reach out for the right support. This can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.