Relationships: Do Some Men’s Childhood's Set Them Up To Put Women On A Pedestal?

It could be said that in order for one person to have a relationship with another person, they will need to be able to relate to them as another human being. If they see them as being above or below them, it is going to make it harder for them to truly connect to them.
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When it comes to the former, one will have elevated the other person to a superior position and, when it comes to the latter, they will have lowered them to an inferior position. One is then either going to have less value then this person or they will have more value than them.

Part of Life

Now, it could be said that we live in a world where not everyone has the same value, and that there are always going to be moments when one comes into contact with people who have more or less than they do. What will play a part here is how much money someone has, what they look like and how intelligent they are, amongst other things, as well as the environment they are in.

Yet, even if someone is perceived as having a lot of value at one point in time, it doesn’t mean that this will be the case at another. This could mean that they no longer have as much money or it could come down to the fact that they no longer look the same.

Acceptance

However, just because one will come into contact with someone who has more value than they do, at least externally, it doesn’t mean that they have to feel as though they are less-than they are. If one is in touch with their own inherent value, it will be a lot easier for them to feel good about themselves.

And through being this way, there will be no reason for them to look down on the people who have less value than they do, at least externally. This can be seen as the difference between material value and spiritual value.

Same Sex Relationships

If a man wants to have a fulfilling relationship with a woman or have something more casual, it is going to be vital for him to be able to treat her like a fellow human being. As if he can see her as just another human being, it will allow him to be himself.

The woman who he is with will then be able to appreciate him for who he is; whereas if he was to act differently, this is not going to happen. Instead, a woman would either look down on him.

Slightly Better

If, on the other hand, a woman was to look up to a man and to put him on a pedestal, it could be said that the man will have all the power. This is unlikely to lead to a relationship that is particularly functional, but then, this could be what feels comfortable for them.

What is taking place at a deeper level is likely to be defining this area of their life and, unless they deal with what is taking place here, it won’t matter what is taking place in their mind. This is why someone can end up in an abusive relationship even though this is the last thing they want.

Out of Balance

When this doesn’t take place and he puts a woman on a pedestal, he is going to be more like her son than her partner. Which means that she is unlikely to respect him; if anything, he will probably be seen as being weak.

The woman could find that she can no longer put up with this and leave or she could simply use the man. If he is in a good position financially and/or has high social status, for instance, she could end up staying around.

Abuse

This is likely to mean that her heart won’t be connected to the man, but another part of her will be attached to what he can provide. If the man finds the woman attractive, he might be willing to overlook what is going on.

Or, he could be so caught up in what she looks like and how she makes him looks that he is not even aware of the fact that he is being used. In this was to occur, it could be said that he doesn’t value himself.

Out of Touch with Reality

But regardless of whether a man is in this position or if he just elevates women in general, it is likely to show that he is out of balance. If he is with a woman who is using him, it is clear that he shouldn’t be putting her on a pedestal; after all, she is taking advantage of him.

So, if he could come to his senses, he would soon be able to see that this woman is immoral. But even when he acts in this way towards a woman who is not immoral, he is still unable to see her as another human being.

Projection

When it is not possible for someone to see another person as they are, it is likely to show that they are projecting their inner world onto them. In this case, it may show that a man is seeing the parts of himself that he hasn’t developed yet in the woman.

This is going to be something that takes place without too much effort, and this is largely due to the fact that a woman is physically an expression of the feminine. It is then not going to matter if a woman has developed her feminine traits, as a man can see her as nurturing, supportive and loving.

Its Missing

On the inside, then, a man can find it hard to feel supported, loved and nurtured, and this is likely to mean that he hasn’t been able to integrate the feminine aspect within him. Therefore, through being out of touch with his inner feminine, it sets him up to believe that he can only experience these things through being with a woman.

Ultimately, a woman is simply mirroring back what he needs to embrace within himself, and until this takes place, it will be normal for him to see women in the same way. A man, just like a woman, has both the masculine and the feminine within them.

A Closer Look

The traits that this man is looking for in a woman can be found within him, but this is something that is not going to happen directly. There is the chance that this man didn’t receive the love, support and nurturance that he needed from his mother.

As a result of this, his inner feminine would have ended up being covered up by trauma, which would have caused him to feel as though he was missing something. Thus, once this pain is out of the way, it will allow him to become a whole human being.

Awareness

This doesn’t mean that he will no longer have the desire to be with a woman; what it means is that he won’t feel incomplete. Consequently, he won’t need as much, and this will then enable him to be himself and it will stop him from being needy.

If a man can relate to this, and he wants to change his life, it might be a good idea for him to work with a therapist or a healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk