While a man may typically feel comfortable enough to be himself when he is around another man, this might rarely be the case when he is around a woman. When he is around a woman, he could have the tendency to become someone else entirely.
During this time, then, he is not going to behave how he usually does and he won’t speak his mind. Shortly after he has spent time with a woman, he could wonder what was going on and why he was unable to be himself.
Then again, after this has taken place, he could just carry on with his life. If this doesn’t take place, it could show that he has been this way for so long that he doesn’t even question it.
Yet, even if he doesn’t look into why he behaves this way when he is around women, it is not as though he can simply forget about it. The way only way that this could take place is if he was to stop spending time around women altogether.
So when he is around a woman, he is likely to have a strong need to please her and not to do anything would rock the boat, so to speak. This could mean that he will be overly nice and accommodating.
One way of looking at it would be to say that he will behave like he’s her son, not another adult. There is then a good chance that he is physically stronger than her and she wouldn’t be able to hurt him, but it will be as if this is not the case.
If the time comes for him to speak up or to stand his ground, he could end up experiencing a fair amount of anxiety and fear. He will want to do just about everything that he can to make sure that he doesn’t upset her.
And if this means compromising himself and even putting up with bad behaviour in the process, then so be it. His needs will be secondary, with her needs being of primary importance.
A Strong Reaction
This will show that he finds it hard to feel at ease around a woman, which is why he has such a strong need to make sure that he doesn’t displease her. There may have been times in his life when a woman did get angry or upset, with this being something that caused his mind and emotions to be all over the place.
Instead of simply upsetting a woman, who is just a human being, it might have been as though he had upset an all-powerful figure. What takes place inside him when this happens is then going to be too much for him to handle.
There can be the effect that this has on him when he is at work and when he is in a relationship (that’s if he is straight). When he is at work, he could have the inclination to keep his views to himself and to keep his head down.
This will stop him from sharing his views him and making a contribution. The women where he works could walk all over him and there could even be moments when they are verbally abusive.
A Romantic Relationship
If he is in a relationship, there is the chance that his partner won’t know who he actually is. His partner will only know the version of him who does what he can to make sure that he doesn’t displease her.
He will do everything he can to try to say the right thing and not to do anything that will cause her to experience a strong emotional reaction. This may typically work or he may find that this doesn’t really work.
Perhaps he is with a woman who is emotionally unstable and therefore lacks the ability to handle her own emotions. Being with someone like this would be hard for any man, but it will be even harder for him.
Nonetheless, although this will be challenging, part of him may feel comfortable being with a woman like this. Consciously this will be anything but pleasurable, but at a deeper level it can be what feels safe.
Back In Time
If this does feel comfortable and there is a familiarity to it, and if he hasn’t done anything to change his life it probably shows that this is the case, it could show that he was brought up by a woman who was emotionally unstable. Perhaps this woman had borderline personality disorder, for instance.
His mother wouldn’t have been able to control her emotions, and as a result, would have been all over the place emotionally. Due to this, she may have been extremely temperamental and living with her would have been a harrowing experience.
A Traumatic Time
At this age, he would have needed a mother who was reliable, consistent and loving, and he would have got the complete opposite. His mother would have unreliable, inconsistent and intimidating.
Thus, instead of being able to relax and to feel safe and secure around her, he would have been on edge and he would have felt unsafe and insecure around her. He would have needed to become very in tune with his mothers moods in order to survive, and this would have forced him to develop a heightened ability to read peoples moods and emotions.
This would have been a time when he had to be there for his mother and to do his best to put out emotional fires. His ability to read people as an adult can then be exceptional, yet what won’t be exceptional will be his inner world.
He will have had a very traumatic childhood and this will mean that he will carry a fair amount of trauma. To resolve this trauma, he may need to reach out for the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.