Relationships: Do Some People Avoid Relationships In Order To Avoid Themselves?

If someone was to come across two people who want to be in a relationship, it would be easy for them to assume that they are both in the same position. On one level, it could be said that this is the case; however, if they were to look a little deeper, they might find that there is more to it.

For example, the first person might not be happy with how their life is, and through meeting someone they may hope that this will change. The second person could be happy with how their life is and as a result of this; they are now ready to find someone to share their life with.

A Different Experience

What this will show is that one person is trying to run away from their life and another person isn’t. Another way of looking at this would be to say that one of them is looking to receive and another is looking to give.

When one is not happy with how their life is, they are going to want someone to make them happy. Yet when one is happy with their life, they are not looking for someone else to change how they feel.

Out of Balance

If one is looking to share their life with another person, it doesn’t mean that they are not looking to receive; what it does mean is that not the only reason they want to be with someone. But when one wants to leave their own life behind, they can be in a position where they haven’t got a lot to give.

They can be focused on what another person will do for them, and this is going to show that they are out of balance. So even though they want a relationship, it might be better for them to take a step back.

The Next Step

Through doing this, it will allow them to change their life, and while this won’t happen overnight, it will give them the chance to have a fulfilling relationship. This could be seen as the ideal, but there is probably a greater chance of them doing the opposite.

It may only be a matter of time before they find someone to spend time with, and in the beginning everything could be fine. But as they are running away from themselves, there is a strong chance that their life soon revert to how it was before.

Responsibility

When this happens, one could end up blaming the person they are with for how they life is, and this will be another way for them to avoid taking responsibility for their own life. If the other puts up with their behaviour, they will be playing a part in what is taking place.

As if they were to stand their ground and to encourage one to look at their own behaviour, they wouldn’t be taking responsibility for their behaviour. This would then give one the chance to grow and develop.

Wash, Rinse, Repeat

Alternatively, once one starts to experience pain in their relationship they could end up walking away. After a few weeks or months have passed, they may have found someone else to be with.

And while there is the chance that it will be different this time, there is a greater chance that it won’t. This is similar to how one can keep putting batteries in the wrong way in a torch with the hope that it will suddenly work.

A Common Occurrence

If one was to tell someone about what is taking place in their life, they might be able to relate to it. This could be because they are (or have been) in the same position, or they might know a number of people who live their life in the same way.

Based on this, it would be easy to say that when someone wants to avoid themselves they end up in a relationship. Yet what this overlooks is the fact that one can also do the opposite in order to avoid themselves.

Hidden

When this takes place, one can end up coming across as though they are ‘independent’, and this can be taken as a sign that they don’t need anyone. Due to this, one can be seen as someone who has it all together as opposed to someone who is trying to run away from their own life.

Along with this, could also look down on people who are always in relationships and see themselves as someone who doesn’t need anyone. What this emphasises is how needing others is often seen as a ‘bad’ thing; whereas as trying to do everything without help is often seen as a ‘good’ thing.

Avoidance

So when one avoids being in a relationship, it will stop the pain that is within them from being triggered. This could also show that they are generally out of touch with how they feel and their needs; whereas when one avoids how they feel through having a relationship, they may have a stronger connection with their emotions and needs.

And through being out of touch with how they feel and their needs, it can also mean that they are generally be out of touch with their need to experience intimacy. Through being this way, they won’t feel the need to be with anyone.

Needs

There may have been a time in their life where they were conditioned to believe that there was something wrong with their needs, and this then caused them to disconnect from themselves. The pain that they experienced during this time may have stayed within them, and if they were to let someone in, they could end up being overwhelmed.

Awareness

This could relate to what took place during their childhood years, and although time has passed, it is still defining their life. To change this one may need to work through this pain and change how they view their own needs.
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The assistance of a therapist and/or a support group may be needed here. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/