Relationships: Do Some People End Up With People They Are Not Attracted To In Order To Avoid Themselves?
While one can end up with someone who they are attracted to, they can also end up with someone who they are not attracted to. If they were to end up with someone they are attracted to, it could be said that they will be a lot happier.
One way of looking at this would be to imagine one person eating a meal they like and another person eating a meal they don’t like. The first person is likely to enjoy every mouthful and they might not want this experience to come to an end.
Whereas the other is unlikely to enjoy what they are eating and they might be only too happy for this experience to end. So although they are both eating food, the experience that each person is having is radically different.
However, when it comes to a meal that one doesn’t enjoy eating, it will soon be over. But when it comes to a relationship, it is not going to be a momentary experience.
In this case, they could end up seeing the other person every day, or at least a few times a week. Metaphorically speaking, it is then going to be as if they not eating something they don’t like on the odd occasion, they are eating something they don’t like on a regular basis.
Life Is Too Short
If the people around them were to find out about what is taking place, they may say that life is too short for them to be with someone that they don’t want to be with. They could find it hard to understand why they are with the other person.
On one hand, this could cause them to wonder why they are with the other person, but on the other hand, it might not have an effect on them. There is the chance that they will dismiss what they hear from others, and they may also end up being defensive.
A Similar Position
There could also be people in their life who are in the same position. As a result of this, there is going to be no reason for them to say anything.
One can then remain with someone they are not attracted to and the people around them are not going to feel the need to say anything. If they were to say something, it could be said that they are projecting their own unhappiness onto them.
To The Outsider
When one does spend their time around people who are in a different position, these people could have moments when they think about why they are experiencing life as they are. They could come to the conclusion that they have ‘low self-esteem’, and that they need to start believing in themselves, for instance.
This could be as far as it goes, or they could take a step further and buy them a book that goes into how they can improve their self-esteem. But once again, there help could end up being rejected.
A Closer Look
If someone was to take a closer look at this person’s life, they may see that this is not the first time they have been with someone who they are not attracted to. In fact, this could be something that has happened on a number of occasions.
This is not to say that they will always end up with people who look the same or who act the same, but their inner experience is going to be the same nevertheless. Yet no matter how they feel when it comes to the people they end up with, it is not going to be enough for them to change their life.
It is often said that people are motivated more by pleasure than by pain, and this should then mean that they will do everything they can to move away from that which is causing them to experience discomfort. So when one stays in a relationship that causes them to experience pain, it can be hard to understand.
However, while they are experience pain through being with someone who they are not attracted to, they could end up experiencing more pain if they were to go with someone who they were attracted to. The pain that they are experiencing is then going to pale in comparison to the pain they would experience.
When one is with someone they are not attracted to, it could be said that they are not going to be fully invested in the other person. One way of looking at this would be to say that they have one foot in the relationship and one foot out.
Alternatively, it they were with someone they were attracted to, they would end up having both feet in the relationship. Now, if this was to take place, they could end up feeling exposed.
A Painful Experience
This will show that they don’t want to open their heart, and through being with someone they are not attracted to, it can allow them to keep their heart closed. On one hand, this will allow them to feel safe, but on the other hand, it is going to stop them from being able to have a fulfilling relationship with someone.
If they were to take a step back and to reflect on their life, they may find that there was a time where they were hurt by someone. This experience could then have set them up to fear intimacy.
There is also the chance that this has happened on more than one occasion, and while it may have been during their adult years, it could also have been during their childhood years. Either way, it would have left a mark on them and until they take the time to process what happened, their life is unlikely to change.
If one can relate to this, it could be a sign that they have an emotional build-up that needs to be processed, and they could also be carrying trauma. It will then be important for them to reach out for support and this is something that can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
Self-Love - How To Develop Self-Love And Self-Worth