Relationships: Do Some People Only Help Others Because They Feel Guilty?

While someone can assist others in a direct manner, they can also do this indirectly. As a result of this, it is not necessary for one to work in the helping profession, for instance, in order to make a difference.
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However, even if one was in a position where they didn’t help others directly, it doesn’t mean that they are not as important as the people who are. For one thing, what they do behind the scenes, so to speak, could end up having the same effect.

Irrelevant

Therefore, it might not matter what they do, as they are still playing their part on this earth. It could be said that the main difference when one is helping people directly is that they will often end up getting most of the acclaim.

Yet when they work behind the scenes, they can be used to going about their job without receiving the same kind of feedback from others. This could be something that takes place from time to time as opposed to an everyday occurrence.

The Music Industry

One could then compare themselves to the people who play an instrument or write songs for famous musicians, and this is because most people won’t know what they do. When people hear their music, they are generally going to think about how good they are.

So although the musician might not be where they are if it wasn’t for the people around them, this is rarely going to be taken into consideration. The level of importance that they have is then going to be way out of proportion.

Part of Life

Even so, this is just how life is, and one may find that they prefer to be away from the limelight. It is then not going to be something that bothers them and they will be happy with their career.

At the same time, one might find that they would prefer to be a bit further forward, and it might then be a sign that they need a career change. The main thing is that they want to make a difference and through having this desire and the drive, they are bound to find their ideal job.

Direct Contact

When one does assist others directly, it could relate to what is taking place within them, or it might have nothing to do with this area. But if it does, there is a strong chance that they have a certain level of empathy.

Along with this, they are likely to value assisting others, and this means that they are not doing it to please others. What they do fulfils their needs; however, it might be hard for some people to comprehend this.

One Outlook

The reason for this is that when someone is there for other people, they can be seen as being selfless. What is different here is that one will be in touch with what could be classed as their ‘higher’ needs.

Through being this way, they will be able to fulfil their needs and to be there for others. When one ignores their needs and is there for others, it might make them look good but they will be used to running on empty.

Out of Balance

They can then come across as though they have it all together and that they are an evolved human being, but this will be nothing more than an illusion. Ultimately, all human beings have needs, and this is why it is not possible for someone to be selfless.

This kind of behaviour is typically what occurs when someone doesn’t feel comfortable with their needs. The shame that they feel when it comes to their own needs is likely to be a consequence of how they were treated during their younger years.

Balance

It has been said that the only way that someone can truly be there for another is if they can be there for themselves. And if one’s needs were rarely met during their early years and they have spent most of their adult years trying to rescue others, for instance, they are not going to be able to truly be there for anyone.

In this case, it will be important for them to work through their unmet childhood needs and to gradually begin to feel comfortable with their own needs. Through doing this, they will be able to fulfil their own needs and to assist others without neglecting themselves or trying to do too much for others.

Another Occurrence

And while one can assist others in the hope that other people will be there for them, they can also do this due to feeling as though they have done something wrong. When the former takes place, one is going to be motivated by shame and when the latter takes place, it will be guilt.

In both of these case, one can come across as though they are being motivated by their need to be there for others. Yet if someone was to take a deeper look at why they are behaving in this way, they would soon see that they are trying to feel better about themselves.

Guilt

If they feel guilty, they might feel too ashamed to talk about what they have done, and it will then be normal for them to try and right a wrong by giving something to someone or to a group of people. Once they have done this, their behaviour could completely change or they could disappear, and this could cause confusion.

At first, someone could feel grateful for what is taking place, but if they were to find out why one acted as they did, they could feel as though they have been deceived. When one does help others to deal with the guilt within them, they may find that this allows them to feel better.

Awareness

At the same time, this might only give them a momentary relief, and this will also make it difficult for them to act authentically. If one can relate to this and they want to deal with the guilt within them, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/