When one generally ignores their own needs and focuses on other people’s needs, they can be described as someone who rescues others. As a result of this, it is going to be normal for them to neglect their own life.
Out of Balance
It could be said that while it is good thing that one doesn’t ignore other people’s needs, there is no reason for them to ignore their own needs. The ideal will be for them to be for others and to be there for themselves.
When one doesn’t experience life in this way, they are going to be used to running on empty, so to speak. Ultimately, they will give far more than they receive, and this will lead to a tiring existence.
A New Beginning
However, although experiencing life in this way is not going to be in one’s best interest, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to simply change their life. For one thing, they could believe that this is just how life is and that they haven’t got a choice in the matter.
Along with this, there is likely to be the kind of feedback that they get from other people, and this could cause them to believe that they are doing the ‘right’ thing. The approval that they get from others will then make their life easier.
There can then be times when they feel good, and times when they wonder what is going on with their life. The feedback that they get from others will allow them to disconnect from how they feel from time to time.
But as the pain within them wont simply disappear; there could be times when they end up behaving differently. The people around them could then come to the conclusion that their behaviour is out character, but this won’t be the complete truth.
What this is likely to show is that they have allowed themselves to acknowledge how they feel, and as they rarely do this, it is to be expected that there will be moments when they explode. Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that they will end up changing their behaviour, as they could soon return to how they were before.
This is likely to come down to the fact that they will feel guilty and ashamed after they have expressed how they feel. So in order to make themselves feel better, they could end up doing what they usually do.
A Common Occurrence
If people rarely tried to rescue others in today’s world, then it would be easier of one to realise that they don’t need to experience life in this way. But as this is something that so many people do, there is less chance of this taking place.
One could come across people who are used to be rescued, or they could be in the same position as they are. Through being around these types of people, there is going to be no reason for one to reflect on their own behaviour.
This is then going to be similar to what happens when one has been in a room for a while that has a certain smell; they will soon get used to it and it will no longer register. But if someone else was to come into the room, they would notice it straight away.
When it relates to being rescued or rescuing others, this kind of behaviour is only going to stand out when someone doesn’t experience life in this way. Yet if one generally rescues others, they are unlikely to spend much time around people who don’t experience life as they do.
And even if they were to come across someone who didn’t neglect their own needs, they could see them as being someone who only thinks about themselves. They could then come to the conclusion that the other person needs to change.
In their eyes, there could be two options: either one ignores their own needs, or they ignore other people’s needs. This is then going to be something that is black and white, and there won’t be another option.
A New Outlook
If one was to get to the point where they had had enough of overlooking their own needs, it could cause them to look for answers. Part of them could be no longer willing to experience life in this way.
Even so, this doesn’t mean that part of them won’t want to hold onto how their life has been for so long. They could begin to wonder who they will be if they were to change their behaviour.
One way of looking at this would to be to say that this is to be expected as they have experienced life in this way for so long; however, there is also the chance that they have always been this way. It is then not just how their life has been during their adult years; it is how it has been since the beginning of their life.
If they have always put other people’s needs before their own, this is likely to be a sign that they had to fulfil their caregiver needs during their childhood years. This would have meant that their needs were ignored, and it wouldn’t have been possible for them to develop a sense of self.
Instead, they would have had no choice but to develop a false-self and this would have been something that allowed them to survive. This would have also set them up to feel ashamed of their own needs.
So if one was to let go of this act and to no longer rescue others, they are likely to end up feeling empty, and as though they no longer have a purpose. But if they were to stay with this emptiness and to see what is underneath, they are likely to end up getting in touch with how they felt all those years ago.
In order for one to create an identity where they no longer need to rescue others, it is going to be important for them to embrace their true-self. This can take place through working through the pain that is within them and for their true nature to be affirmed, among other things.
The assistance of a therapist and/or a support group may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.