Relationships: Do Some People Put Up With Dysfunctional Relationships In Order To Avoid Their True Feelings?
While there are some people who end up in relationships that are fulfilling, there are others who don’t. This is going to mean that not everyone is going to know what it is like to be in a fulfilling relationship.
When one is used to being in relationships that are not as they would like to them to be, it could be a sign that they end up with people they are not attracted to. At the same time, it could mean that they are used to being with people who are abusive.
In this case, being with someone is not just going to cause them to feel as though something is missing; they can feel as though their very survival is at risk. It could be said that the first example is from one end of the spectrum and the other example is from the other end.
In The Middle
However, although these extremes can exist, there is also going to be what takes place in the middle. This can mean that one could end up in relationships that have moments where they feel as though they are with the right person, as well as moments where they wonder why they are with the other person.
For example, there could be times where they end up being controlled or they could end up being ignored. As a result, they might find it hard to know where they stand and they may wonder if they should be with them.
If one is used to being in relationships that are not very fulfilling, they may believe that they don’t have a choice. They have then resigned themselves to experiencing life in this way.
This could then mean that they feel like a victim and they may decide that it’s best for them to stay single. Yet as time passes, they could feel the need to find someone to be with, and they could soon end up in the same situation all over again.
In The Beginning
On one hand, they could come to see that they have ended up with someone similar without too much time passing, and on the other hand, it might take them a while before they realise what has taken place. It might only be a matter of time before they decide to leave the other person.
One could then feel down and they may even say that it won’t happen again, but before long, they could end up going through the whole process again. It could be said that it would be a good idea for them to take a step back and to reflect on what is taking place.
The Same Result
Unless they take the time to do this, there is not going to be much chance of their life changing. Along with this, their behaviour will also need to change; if they were to continue to behave in the same way, they would continue to get the same result.
But if one is unable to do this, it will be important for them to reach for the right support. Thorough receiving this support, someone else will be able to help them to see why they continue to end up in the same scenario.
This is then similar to what one would do if they had a problem with their car or leak in their house, for instance. They are unlikely to overlook what is taking place and to feel as though there is nothing they can do.
However, when it comes to a relational challenge or a mental and emotional problem, it can be normal for one to suffer in silence. This partly comes down to the fact that it is socially acceptable to go to the garage or to speak to a builder; whereas the same can’t always be said when it comes to dealing with personal problems.
So through fearing what might happen if they were to reach out for support, one might not do anything. This might not be the only reason though, as there could be another reason why they won’t do anything.
Even though they end up suffering in one way or another when they are in a relationship with someone, they might believe that it is not as bad as it would if they had to face themselves. Therefore, even though they are unable to experience life differently, it is something they are prepared to put up with.
This is not to say that one is aware of this, as this could be something that takes place just outside of their awareness. At a conscious level, they could believe that there is nothing they can do and it will then be normal for them to blame others.
Their outlook could end up being supported by the people around them and their friends and/or family could talk about how ‘bad’ the people they attract are. But while this outlook might allow them to feel better for a short time, it is not going to do much else.
A Deeper Look
If they were to stop themselves from ending up in a relationship and to pay attention to the feelings that arise, they could end up feeling overwhelmed. During this time, they could experience toxic shame, grief and/or the fear of abandonment, among other things.
Finding someone to be with is then a way for them to regulate how they feel, and this shows that they are being driven by the need to feel better as opposed to the need to connect. So unless one starts to feel different on the inside, they might not be able to end up in a healthy relationship.
While the emotional build-up that one is carrying within them could relate to what has taken place during their adult years; it could also include what took place during their childhood. It is then going to be important for them to process the emotional pain that is within them.
This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.