Relationships: Do Some People Reject Others To Avoid Being Rejected?

No matter what someone looks like or where they have come from, they will have experienced rejection. What this comes down to is that it is part of life and this is because it is not possible for one to always be accepted.

And if one was to look back on their life, they would also realise that it hasn’t been possible for them to accept everyone either. Therefore, not only will they have been rejected by others, they have also rejected others.

Focus

However, although this works both ways it can be normal for someone to focus on their own experience and to overlook their actions affect others. This partly comes down to the fact that when one is rejected, they are likely to experience pain, and when they reject others, they might not experience anything.

As a result of this, it can be easy for them to feel like a victim, and unless they are able to empathise with others, they might not realise that other people have the same experience. If they are able to see that not only to people reject them and that they reject others, it might be easier for them to handle this experience.

Were All Different

While some people may go out of their way to reject others, this is not going to apply to everyone. What one person needs is not necessarily going to be the same as what another person needs, and this is partly why rejection occurs.

What this can show is that people don’t reject others because they have no value; they reject others because they don’t meet their current requirements. Therefore, rejection is not something that is personal, and as someone changes, what they accept and reject is also likely to change.

Impersonal

When someone has this outlook, it may be easier for them to handle those moments in life when they don’t meet other people needs. They can then move on and find someone who is able to accept them as they are.

If they want the other person to accept them, they can look into what they can do for this to take place. Yet, while this may mean that someone changes who they are to please another person; this might not be the case.

Self-reflection

One may be in a position where they continually experience rejection in a certain area of their life, and instead of feeling like a victim or blaming others, they can look at what part they may be playing. Through taking this approach, they can feel empowered as opposed to feeling helpless.

If one was to blame others for what is happening or to take it personally and collapse, they are not going to be able to move forward. But if they do look within and take the time to reflect on what has been taking place, it will give them the chance to put an end to this destructive pattern.

Two Levels

Even though rejection is not something that someone consciously wants to experience, it doesn’t mean that this is the case when it comes to what is taking place at a deeper level. Being rejected by others may be what is familiar to their body, and this means it is going to be what feels safe.

And as a result of this, they can end up being drawn to people who will reject them, and they can also behave in ways that will encourage people to pull away. If one is aware of what is happening, they can take the steps that they need to make to put an end to this dynamic, but if one is not aware, they are going to suffer unnecessarily.

Rejecting Others

Another thing that can take place is for them to reject others before they have the chance to reject them. It then won’t matter if the anther person accepts them and has no plan to reject them.

They are only going to feel safe when they are being rejected, and rejecting others who accept them will be a way for them to return to what is familiar. In their mind, they may be convinced that the other person was going to reject them; this shows they are seeing with their mind and not their eyes.

Protection

Although someone can reject others to avoid being rejected, they are still going to end up in the same position. The only difference is that they are taking matters into their own hands as opposed to waiting for other people to do it.

What they try to avoid by acting in this way is the very thing they end up experiencing. And unless they look at and deal with what is taking place at a deeper level, they will continue to create the same reality.

A Deeper Look

There is likely to have been a time in this person’s life where they were rejected on a regular basis, and this may have been during their childhood years. And as this was a time when they needed to be accepted for who they were, it would have set them up to feel worthless.

These experiences would have stopped them from being able to develop a positive self-image, and although they want to be accepted by others, it is to going to be possible for this to happen. Firstly, their self-image will stop them from being able to accept positive feedback, and secondly, they will feel the need to keep people at a distance in order to stop them from realising how flawed they are.

Awareness

And once they have pushed someone away, their emotional experience will match up with how they felt all those years ago. Even though this is stopping them from having a fulfilling life, it is familiar and what feel safe at a deeper level.

In order for someone to move beyond this challenge, they may need to mourn their unmet childhood needs, and to tolerate the toxic shame that is within them until it begins to discharge. This is something that can take place through the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/