While there are people in the world who are in healthy relationships, there are others who aren’t. As a result of this, some people are going to be with people who have a negative effect on them.
If someone is in a healthy relationship, or if they have had them in the past, they might find it hard to understand why anyone would stay with someone who treats them badly. One could even look back on their life and see that they have walked away from at least one person who treated them badly.
Through being treated badly, they would have felt uncomfortable and this would have given them the urge to cut their ties with them. But even if this hasn’t taken place at least once, they are not going to accept bad behaviour.
A Different Reality
If someone like this was to come across another person who is in an abusive relationship, they could tell them that they need to get away. The other person could listen to what they have to say and heed their advice.
Then again, they could listen to what they have to say and continue to live their life in the same way. Clearly, this is going to be just about the worst thing that they could do – they need to get away.
There is also the chance that someone like this has walked away from an abusive relationship in the past, only to have ended up with another person who was just as bad. Conversely, they may have ended up going back to the person who they left.
From the outside, it can look as though there is something deeply wrong with this person. Instead of doing whatever they can to look after themselves, it is as though they are doing everything they can to harm themselves.
One way of looking at this would be to say that this is someone who suffers from low self-esteem. Therefore, if they were to feel better about themselves, they would no longer put up with this kind of behaviour.
Now, there is the chance that this approach may work, but in order for this to take place, someone like this will need to take the next step. It is not as though another person is going to come and save them.
Yet, even if someone was to come and save them, it doesn’t mean that they will have their best interests at heart. How this person comes across in the beginning could be nothing like what they will be like as time goes by.
At first it would have seemed as though their life was about to change, but as time passes, they will see that this was nothing more than an illusion. When one ends up with someone like this, they could even come to the conclusion that they are unlucky.
They are not going to feel as though they have much control over their life, that’s for sure. Feeling powerless and helpless is going to be a normal part of their life, and they will be used to feeling angry and frustrated.
Going deeper, they may also spend a fair amount of time experiencing fear, anxiety and even terror. When this is what is taking place within them, the ideal would be for them to pay attention to this information.
Their body is telling them everything they need to know, yet it is not possible for them to get away from their abusive partner. They are not safe where they are, so they need to leave and to be somewhere that is safe.
However, even though their life is under threat where they are, it is still not going to be enough to get them moving. It is then as though they only feel safe when they feel unsafe, and this is why they can’t leave.
The part of them that is supposed to keep them alive is not going to be functioning in the right way; if it was, they would be able to protect themselves. Also, the fact that this is what feels safe shows that something isn’t right.
One should feel safe when their life is not under threat; what shouldn’t feel safe is being with someone who makes them feel as though their life could end at any moment. What this can show is that they grew up in an environment that wasn’t safe, meaning it wasn’t safe for them to exist.
During this time, they may have experienced some kind of abuse, and this would have caused their mind and body to be flooded with trauma. Being treated badly would then have become what was familiar and therefore what felt safe.
So as destructive as this was, being treated in this way would have been associated as what is safe. The alternative would have been for them to have been felt, and this would have been far worse than being abused.
Fear of Death
One could then have died through being treated so badly, but they would have definitely have died if they were abandoned. It was then a case of being abused and surviving or being left and dieing.
The love, care, and nurturance that they needed to develop a strong sense of self wouldn’t have been provided. Additionally, they would have developed a craving for drama and they would have ended up being stuck in survival mode.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it will be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
What will need to happen here is that one will need to release the trauma that is being held in their body and mind. And as this takes place, they will gradually begin to feel safe with being safe as opposed to feeling safe with being unsafe.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.