Relationships: Do Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up Feel Comfortable Around People Who Are Self-Centred?
If one ends up with people who are not right for them, it can be a sign that they end up with people who are self-centred. This is then not going to be something that has taken place on one occasion; it will be a regular occurrence.
So when they end up in a relationship like this, it is not going to be possible for them to get their needs met. Or if there are moments when the other person does think about their needs, this could be something that rarely takes place.
Out of Balance
There is then going to be two people in the relationship, but it will be as if there is only one person. The other person is then going to see them as someone who is only there to meet their needs.
Another way of looking at this would be to say that they will see one as being nothing more than an extension of them. This is not to say that this is something they will consciously think about though, as it is likely to be something that just governs their behaviour.
It could be said that if one attracted to people who have not been able to develop in the right way, and this is why they are unable to meet their needs. There would have been a point in time when it was normal for this person to see other people in this way.
And this would have been during the very early stages of their development; with this being something that they should have grown out of as time when by. Physically they will look like an adult, but when it comes to their mental and emotional development, they will still be a child.
It would then be easy to see someone like this as being the problem, and to say that they need to grow up. This is not something that can be denied, but this doesn’t mean that they chose to be this way.
What it can come down to is that they didn’t receive the kind of care that they needed when they were younger. This would then have stopped them from being able to move through each developmental stage.
One may be only too aware of the fact that there is nothing they can do to change someone like this; with it being up to them to take responsibility for their own life. If they were to try to do this, they would only be wasting their time.
The best thing for them to do will be to focus on their own life, and to look into what they can to do attract someone who is different. This will allow them to use their time and energy in the right way.
The First Hurdle
But while the ideal will be for them to look into what they can do to change their life, they might not be able to do this. The reason for this is that they can believe that they randomly end up with people like this.
This is then going to be something that will cause them to experience a lot of pain, but there is not going to be anything they can do about it. They could believe that this is something they just have to put up with.
Alternatively, one could believe that they just need to find the right person and, once they do this, their life will change. So just like in the above scenario, one will believe that they are not playing a part in what is taking place.
One is then going to need to wait around until their circumstances change, and who knows when this will be. Or, they could believe that they need to go to different places or to another country, and then everything will be different.
If they were able to take a step back from what is going on, it would give them the chance to see what part they are playing in all this. What they may soon find is that the reason they experience life in this way is because it is what feels comfortable.
On one level, they are not going to want to experience life in this way, but at a deeper level, it will be what feels safe. During this time they may also find that they feel ashamed of their own needs.
The Perfect Match
Therefore, as one feels ashamed of their needs, it is going to be completely normal for them to end up with people who won’t meet them. One could believe that if they were to reveal their needs, they would end up being rejected and abandoned.
So through focusing on someone else’s needs, it will stop this from taking place. And if one feels this way about their own needs, there is also the chance that they feel worthless.
Why Is This?
When one doesn’t feel comfortable with their needs and they feel worthless, it can be due to what took place when they were younger. This may have been a time when their needs were rarely, if ever, met, and they might have had to meet their caregivers needs instead.
One would then have come to believe that their needs were not important, and they would have come to believe that there was something wrong with them. Being there for others and ignoring their own needs might have been a matter of life or death.
This would have been something that took place many, many years ago, but it will continue to define their life until they change what is taking place within them. There will be what is taking place in their mind and what is taking place in their body.
When it comes to working through what happened all those years ago, the assistance of a therapist may be needed.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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