In the same way that some car journeys can be peaceful and obstacle free and some can be noisy and full of obstacles, relationships can also fall into one of these two categories. What is clear is that it is going to be far healthier for someone to be in a relationship that falls into the fist category than one that falls into the second.
Nevertheless, although there will be some people out there who are in a relationship like this; there will be others who not in a relationship like this. As a result of this, this area of someone’s life is going to either strengthen them or it is going to undermine them.
Just how it is
If someone is in a relationship that is generally harmonious, this might be how this area of their life has played out for as long as they can remember. And, even if they are not currently with another person, this may have been what their previous relationships were like
Consequently, they might not experience gratitude for being with someone like this as it will be normal. On the other hand, if their life hasn’t always been this way, they might experience a deep sense of gratitude for how this area of their life is.
Someone like this is likely to have had a fairly nurturing childhood, allowing them to develop in the right way. This will then mean that they are not looking for their partner to complete them and they will most likely to be able to handle their emotions.
Due to this, they will expect less from them and it will be less likely for one to lose control or to project their emotions onto them. The person they are with is likely to be in a similar position.
So, through being able to own their own emotions as opposed to projecting them onto the other, it will show that they know where they begin and end and where the other begins and ends. The outcome here is that both of them will be more likely to take responsibility for their own issues and less likely to blame or accuse the other, and this will make it easier them to work through them.
At times, they might unconsciously view the other as their mother/father, but in general, this is unlikely to be how they will view the each other. There is always the chance that one of them didn’t have a healthy childhood, and this will probably show that they have done a fair amount of healing work on themselves.
A Positive Association
Based on the type of relationship that this person is in, it is going to show that their idea of what love is is fairly healthy. Being with someone who they feel safe around, is trustworthy, honest, reliable and respectful will be vital.
Therefore, if they were to spend time with someone who is not like this, they are likely to soon lose interest. Mentally, and emotionally, this is not going to interest them, which is why they would soon walk away.
If someone is not in a relationship that is harmonious, this could also be how this area has been for as long as they can remember. And, if they are single, they may have been in a number of relationships that were full of conflict and drama.
After one of these relationships came to an end, they might have vowed to never go through anything like this again, only to end up in a similar relationship shortly after. In fact, this might have taken place on more than one occasion.
A Rollercoaster Ride
When someone like this is in a relationship, it is unlikely to be predictable or boring. They might rarely know where they stand with the other person, and this is going to give them a lot of highs and lows.
One minute they could feel happy, connected and loved, and the next minute they could feel fearful, anxious and rejected/abandoned. Shouting and even fighting could be a normal part of their daily life.
What Going On?
If this is the only relationship that someone has ever been in that is like this, it could be put down to them being unlucky. Yet, if someone continually ends up in relationships that are like this, and is therefore, the common denominator, it is likely to show that this is what feels comfortable at a deeper level.
It is then not that they randomly end up in dysfunctional relationships; it is that they are attracted to people who are unhealthy. If they were to take the time to look into what love means to them, they are likely of find that they don’t have a very healthy meaning.
A Negative Association
Being with someone who is unpredictable, dangerous, dishonest, untrustworthy, disrespectful and unreliable is likely to press their buttons, so to speak. This is what will allow them to experience strong attraction and turn them on.
The reason why someone feels comfortable with this type of behaviour is likely to be the result of what took place during their early years. There will be at least two parts here: how they were treated and how their caregivers treated each other.
This may have been a time when they were abused in some way and their caregivers may have spent a lot of time shouting and fighting each other. Their early environment would then have been very unstable, unpredictable and intense.
But, although this would have been a very stressful and frightening time for them, it would have become been what was familiar, and what is familiar is what is associated as what is safe to the ego/unconscious mind. Ergo, even though this experience was extremely dysfunctional, it is will have created their inner model of what love is and what a relationship should be like.
What this comes down to is that just as someone can end up being hooked on drugs or alcohol; they can also end up being hooked on people who are equally as destructive. For this to change, what is taking place within them will need to change, and this is not something that will take place overnight.
With patience and persistence, along with the right support, this can happen, and this will gradually cause one to feel uncomfortable around people who are unhealthy. The assistance of a therapist or a healer is likely to be needed.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
Self-Love - How To Develop Self-Love And Self-Worth