It is important for human beings to work together, and this is because they’re interdependent; they need each other. So when they’re able to put their differences to one side and to find a common ground, their own lives are going to be a lot easier.
This doesn’t mean that everyone needs to get along; this is not something that is likely to happen and it is not something that needs to happen either. But just because someone doesn’t get along with someone else, it doesn’t mean that they have to cause them harm.
One can just accept their differences or the fact they don’t have a connection, and carry on with their life. It might not even get this far and one might not even open up a dialogue with the other person.
There is then going to the people that one will never come into contact with on this planet. One will never know what would happen if they did come into contact with them and it will always remain a mystery.
A Strong Connection
However, when one is close to another person it is likely to be built on mutual trust. And while there will be other elements involved, trust will be one of the most important things.
This is something that will form a certain outlook for each person and it will allow them to settle down, and to feel more at ease in each other’s company. When one is with the other person they will be able to open up and when they are not in their company, one will know that what was said is in safe hands.
The Type Of Relationship
When it comes to the trust that one has in their relationship with a friend, it is going to be different to the trust that they experience in an intimate relationship. The expectations are going to be different and this is because there is a different type of connection involved.
For example: what a friend does with a member of the opposite sex or the gender they’re attracted to is not something one is generally going to worry about; unless it involves the person that they’re with.
So the expectations that one has will all depend on the type of relationship and what trust means to them. Either way, one is going to want to be able to open up and to tell someone something, without having to worry about whether the other person is going to tell someone else.
Each experience that one has will then re-enforce their belief in the other person’s trustworthiness. If another person lets them down, it might be dismissed and just seen as being a one-off. It can all depend on what takes place, or how sever it is.
What this comes down to, is that there are going to be some people who’re able to trust others and this is what is normal, and then there are going to be other people who are unable to trust others and this is also what is normal. As a result of this, each person is going to have expectations that are radically different and their experience on this planet is going to be different.
The person who can trust others might have friends who let them down from time to time, but for the person who can’t, they might have friends who’re always letting them down. In fact, they might find it hard to let people into their life and while they might have friends, they might not be very close to them.
Other people are then not seen as trustworthy, they are viewed with suspicion. It might not matter what they do, as one could always have the same outlook. Their previous experiences with people might have made it hard for them to see that people can be trusted.
Not trusting other’s is then a way for them to protect themselves and to stop other people from taking advantage of them. As their inner outlook is that people can’t be trusted, their outer reality is going to validate this perspective.
One is then in a position where trusting others is not safe and if one was independent, it wouldn’t matter. But as one is interdependent, this is going to have a negative affect on their life.
However, all the time one continues to have experiences where other people let them down and these experiences will re-enforce their inner outlook, it is going to be a challenge for one to break the cycle. To see that while not everyone can be trusted, it doesn’t mean that this applies to everyone on the planet.
It could be said that one’s adult experiences are the reason why one can’t trust other people. Based on this outlook, it will be important for one to question the beliefs that these experiences have created and to create new ones.
But there is also the chance that these adult experiences are just a reflection of what happened during their childhood years. What happened during this time caused them to believe that people couldn’t be trusted.
The kind of attachment that one forms with their primary caregiver will often define what their relationships are like as an adult. And a vital part of this attachment is trust. As a baby and then as a child, one would have needed their caregiver to be there for them on a consistent basis and to protect them from harm.
But while this is what one would have needed, it doesn’t mean this is what they experienced. This could have been a time where one experienced abuse and their needs were ignored.
These early experiences would have created ones inner model of what people are like and one has then continued to re-create these early experiences in their adult life. During these moments, one would have experienced certain feelings and they would have created certain beliefs.
One could change the beliefs and that might be enough, but they might also need to process their feelings. This will involve facing the feelings that have remained trapped in one’s body for all these years and releasing them. And with the assistance of a therapist or a healer, these can be released.
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Oliver J R Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.